Listening to music, reading, humor in any form, gardening, meditation, drawing...not enough.

All kinds, depends on mood. I like to discover new music and revisit old music. I look forward to listening to all the different types that others have found and like from this web site.

I haven't read fiction in a long time, but I'd like to read a good mystery on a beach somewhere just for fun. But for nonfiction, a favorite book is Riddles of Existence by Conee and Sider. Also the Gary Zukav books are good, especially Seat of the Soul. Right now I'm reading Loving What Is, by Byron Katie.

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In terms of feelings/outlook that I have...stable (which is a challenge), content, interested, moved, grateful, amazed, loving, energized, accepting, open, delighted.

Lost, confused, lonely, tired, withdrawn, self-critical, vulnerable, sad, irritable, overwhelmed.

I just happened upon this web site and never had a page like this before. It's turning into a very interesting experience. In a lot of ways it seems to parallel life, in that a home space is set up and from there a person can go out and explore the world or spaces of others and common spaces. I may sound like an innocent to those of you who "grew up on" computers, but there is also the ability here to be as annonymous as you'd like and so not have to put on the "masks" of social norms and conforming to people's expectations, not to mention wanting to be liked. I'd like to be as expressive and honest as possible and not worry about the "image factor" that exists so strongly in our world. I know there's no getting around it completely, but there are more options.

I have issues with the following, because of life experiences and maybe other things I'm not aware of yet, and being on this site brings it up for me...so maybe someone else may relate. On balancing self-consciousness and experiencing life more fully: I think self-consciousness is being aware of and focused on (and possibly trying to affect) the perceptions that others have of us. I also think that experiening things and people in the world fully (trying to perceive with an "inside out" focus) isn't possible if we're distracted by self-consciousness (trying to see ourselves though another's eyes). I know we all have to do it to some extent to live in this world, but to what degree? I've read (A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle) that our identities are just consciousness and whatever we choose to associate with (things/ideas/causes/etc) will represent an image that others will see as part of us. Whether we do this consciously or not is a matter of intention, do we simply like it (want to experience it) or do we want others to see us as associated with it (exterior image). Either way, it's not us, we are only consciousness. All the rest is experience. In my particular family of origin, (my 1st world) it was dangerous not to be aware of how others perceived me, so I became more self-conscious than a child naturally is with most people and really only fully experienced life when I was alone or with one trusted close person (at that time, my sister).

So...I'd like to tell you my basic story to start with. Ever since I can remember I've felt like I didn't belong here, like someone plopped me down here and I had no idea what for, didn't understand the rules or the objective of the "game." Basically, I became a silent observer. I had an older sister who I observed and attached to and she basically was my "front" person. Then I met a boy when I was 14 who would eventually become my husband. Throughout the adult years, I've gotten some therapy, not to mention medication, and read a lot of books, but I'll probably always have some degree of social anxiety and would love to have a fuller life. There's more to my story, and I'm very interested in hearing about you all. I'm only judgmental of myself (learning not to be), not anybody else. So please feel free to talk with me and/or add me to your friends list so I can find you. :)

By the way, I finally know what I'm "here" for...I (consciousness) am here (body/earth) to experience. As for the rules...that's a little more complicated.