good bye every one i hope you get better some day o well bye

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just my luck to day i find out that there going to have a surprise birthday party for my sister 21st 3 hours later im in my room and

i hear lots of people start to come in so i w8t for them to all come in like for 1/2 HOUR!!! 20 ARE MORE PEOPLE come after thats all

over i try to sneak out of my room prying no one will see me

and wow i get out to my front door and walk out and omg

theres like 10 are more  people  i start shaking  and my harts

going like 100 miles a hour fill like i can fall over and throw up

so i just look down and walk real fast to the side of the house

so i can smoke my cigarette after that i just run up to my room and  act like im sleeping and my damn cusin knocks on my door i dont say anything o well im sill im my room and I HAVE TO SMOKE AGAIN got to do the same thing i did before man i just cant take this any more i wont to have a life this  isolation is driveing me mad and i cant take it any longer

like 4 days ago i was madly  depressed so i put out 5 cigarette

on my arm and cut my self up with a razer blade so i have like

6 band ads on my arm so im trying to hide my arm when i go

down and i just know if im around to long some one gonna say what did you do to your arm o well i hope i didnt bore any one i just  i just want to get some of this off my chest fill like i have no one to talk to are if i even wont to

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well poo another ####### up day seems like there's no way out of this black ######## hole that im in seems like my pills have stoped

working thy helped me for the longest time and now im haveing

uncontrollable mood swings from my bipolar#2 its like  its like a roller coaster i can't get off with the ultra high and the ultra lows

it sucks  because during the day im low and at night im ########

high and cant go to sleep man i just wont this to just end  because one day im just gonna give the $&#^% up and end my painif you want learn more about this nutty illness you can go here  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfiYvSFhvM4&feature=related

if you  

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does any one ever  have  a dream where your falling and thin  you wake up real fast and fill  startled i seam to have this dream a lot its weird   lol a funny one i've been haveing im fighting

some and it seems like it just goes on and on 

some times i fall off my bead   lol  last night i kick my wall

any one ever have weird dreams that happen more than once

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