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I've registered to the dating section of this site. No luck yet, I guess because it's new, I don't know. I have no matches and I don't want to change them, I should be picky.

The sooner the better. I'm feeling heartbroken. I can't seem to stop thinking about my ex boyfriend. I am listening to everyone who tell me to leave him completely, there are other men to explore. I've read an article on how to deal with a breakup, it seemed kind of harsh.

I know I will get over it, I mean, that is what people say. I'm longing for him longer than the days I was with him. I can write a list of the things that I didn't like about him, but the important part of him overwelms the parts I don't like. In other words, I can't see anything, any reason, why I should be mad at him. When I was with him, I felt like I was alive and my life was going to be happy forever. There was never a moment when I thought he wasn't the one.

The reason: On the last phone call he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he also felt like him and I weren't made for each other. He also felt like he wasn't good enough for me, I am so amazing to him and he still thinks I am. He lives 100 miles away now for school.

I was waiting for him, but I'm getting the hint that he never did loved me. I need to move on I guess.

Today was my first day of college. I was so nervous to the point I feared I wasn't going to be able to speak! But the day went okay. I was so high in anxiety that when I was able to calm down, I was dead tired. My eyes and my body, just fatigued. And to think this was only day one. I hope I will be able to get comfortable somewhat. I know I will not be completely compfortable. I know I will sleep good tonight. Classes are only on Mondays and Wednesdays, 12:00PM to 5:40PM. First class ends at 1:15, so there's a big gap. I was so nervous, walking to the library for some reason. I guess because I've never been there. I just hate walking around my school while people look at me like I'm some creap or something. I feel that way. I feel so awkward and different. I hate my SAD. It makes me different from everyone else. I haven't ment anyone who suffers the same as I do in person. I don't know why we SADs are far from each other, making me feel that I'm alone. I know I'm not but I would like to meet someone in  person who has SAD. I feel like I'm the only one who has it at my school. I'm alone.

Yesterday I found out my checking account was closed! So my dad called the bank and started asking about why my account was closed. They were like they needed me to be talking to them. I kinda freaked out but my dad had to give me the phone and so I started talking to the "Bank People"! SCARY!!! I was somewhat scared to do so but I didn't and got it over with. Afterwards, I realized that I didn't stutter too much and was able to somewhat communicate quick enough. I feel good that I did it; it was my first time really. Although, I am nervous about going to the bank and reopen my checking account.

Other news, I'm feeling soo much better right. Awhile ago I was having suicidal  thoughts and I always felt like crying. But right now, I'm good. I like to think this awesome site, I really think because of it I feel better, knowing that I'm not alone. I'm now back on track and thinking about my future again, in a positive way. Usually when I in up thinking about my future, I tend to get depressed but I'm not, which is good!

I joined this site yesterday and I've gotten Welcome comments! Thanks to all who has welcomed me to this awesome site! I joined because I was beginning to feel lonely and detatched away from my life. Right now, I am depressed because I can't help my parents with the bills. I get seem to get the guts to get a job. I feel that I will never get one. I don't know what to do. It's all because of my SA and it's getting worst. My aunt tells me that I will get over my shyness, but I'm not. For some reason, when people tell me that I get mad because they think they know what I'm going through but they don't. They are normal people and normal people who have no mental illness will never figure out SA people!

Anyway, I'm glad I've register to this site. Careplace.com was getting confusing to me and I'm just going to leave it and come on this site. It's like Myspace but with SA people I can be friends with, people who CAN understand me. Again, thanks to all the people who sent me welcome comments!