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The last of my mice died last night.  I found Mr. Mousie this morning in his cage.  He was the last of the lab mice I liberated about 3 years ago.  By the end he was blind and probably deaf, and he was retaining a lot of fluid.  He also had poo butt.  He stayed healthy and active longer than I expected; mice have a life span of about three years.  Most of mine died before that or just after.  He was over three years old, I think more like three and a half at least.  I'll miss Mr. Mousie, like I miss all my little mice.

This summer is nearly over and I'm ready.  This internship has sort of turned into nothing but a job, but I'd still like to be able to produce some useful data.  Today was frustrating, and I didn't take it well.  I went to lunch, think I'm doing a little better now.  I've been trying to register for classes for the fall, but apparently no one likes teaching in the fall because other than the classes I've already taken in epidemiology, there were only three others.  However, the times all conflicted; they were being taught at the same times as other classes I need to take.  So I'm officially registered for 6 hours but I need at least 9 to be considered full-time.  Also, the fewer classes I take this semester means I have to take a bunch next semester because I still haven't finished all these stupid electives.  So I'm very disappointed because I thought there would be at least a few more to choose from.  I signed up for another class, special topics in infectious diseases, but there was not a time determined for it yet.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to take that one once a time is chosen.  So I'd be back where I started trying to find some class to take to give me the hours I need.  I'm paying for my tuition this semester myself, so maybe it doesn't matter if I'm not full-time?  I don't know.  This sucks.

I've found it's not that hard to get the interest of some guys.  However, it's not really the attention I want all the time.  My ex is the best example I have so far.  He made an offer to me last night that didn't appeal to me at all, but I guess he was under the mistaken impression that I was interested.  I thought I had made it clear to him before.  Why would I want to get groped by some guy who decided he didn't want me anymore?  That's rather demeaning, and he doesn't see that apparently.  I was actually offended by what he proposed, even if it wasn't necessarily sex.  I think I still talk to him because I get bored at work, and he's sometimes the only person on my friends list who is online and able to chat.  Anyway, I was a little surprised at how much he turned me off last night.  I don't want or need his attention anymore.  Jerk.  And talking to people online is easier to me than in person.  But that doesn't always work out so well for anything more than idle chat, such as any sort of romance.  That just gets frustrating.  Plus, I know that I end up infatuated with the idea of the person more than the actual person most of the time.  So, I just don't take it too seriously.  Well, I shouldn't but I probably do.  Always nice to have someone to at least think about though.  I guess.

I've lost interest in reading lately.  But I have no interest in much anything else, so I might try to start reading again.  Haven't read a book for a few weeks.

A guy my brother was friends with in high school recently hanged himself.  He paid off his bills, then went to the elementary school playground where he stripped off his clothes and hanged himself from the jungle gym.  I kind of remember the guy.  I don't think my brother really kept in touch with him.  I don't even remember if he was invited to my brother's wedding.  I know quite a few of his other friends were invited.  I wonder why he went to the elementary school to do it.  To make sure he was found?  I also wonder if he left a note.  Guess I've had quite a few morbid thoughts since hearing about his death.  One thought is, "Wow, he actually managed to do it.  Why couldn't I?"

I had a class during the May mini session.  It was only for four weeks, class every day (monday thru friday).  Anyway, I got an A in the class, and made a 100 on the final.  I thought that was cool.  I'm glad it's over.

I finished doing the genotyping and started my internship doing cancer research.  So far it's okay, a lot of cell culture and that sort of thing.  I haven't done any of that since the internship I had one summer in college (5 years ago).  I'm working with cells and large volumes.  Not used to that.   For the past several years I've worked with very small volumes and DNA.  But it's nice to have a change.  Besides, I think I mastered the other stuff I did.  Time for a new challenge.

I got a cat, not sure if I really announced that in anything other than some pics.  I named him Iggy.  Got him from the humane society.  He purrs really loudly and it doesn't take much to make him purr.  Don't even have to touch him to get him to purr.  He's super playful and has finally gotten used to my mother's yappy little dogs.  He even plays with them, really rough play, too.  My niece likes to pick him up, and of course she does it all wrong.  She picks him up and carries him by his head, tried his tail once, had him in a choke hold at least once.  He's finally learned to use his claws, so maybe she'll stop trying to pick him up once he scratches her.  That hasn't happened yet, so we just all tell her to not pick up the cat, repeatedly say this but I'mpretty sure she ignores everything we tell her to do anyway.

Neko has started sneezing a lot.  I'm worried about her.  I hope it won't get worse, and that it won't spread to Jenny, too.  I've wondered if it was because I didn't keep their cage clean enough.  The mouse cage got some little bugs, I cleaned it really well when I noticed.  That poor little mouse is so old now, I think he's actually past 3 years old.  That's the usual lifespan of a mouse, 3 years.  He's still healthy though, no palpable tumors and he's still plump.  His fur doesn't look so great, and he has a bald spot, but I don't think those are related to any illness.  The guinea pigs are fine, they're both fat.

I got a laptop this week.  I've never had a laptop before.  I think it will be good for school.  I just need to get SAS installed on it, and then I'll have a really useful machine.  I'm still getting used to it.  It's a Dell inspiron.

Not much else is happening.  I finally made an appointment with the psychiatrist and the psychologist.  I haven't really used the book they recommended, and I honestly haven't spent much time thinking about myself.  I don't even remember most of what happened since last December when I saw them last.  I'm sure there were some tough times, but I think I stayed too busy to dwell on anything.

I bought some new sandals, I like them.  They're black leather wedges.  I also finally got this silk top from Anthropologie that I liked.  It was marked way down, and there was one in my size available.  I ordered it as soon as I saw it.  I also got another pair of wedges because they were also marked way down.  I think I paid less than half the original price for both items.  That's pretty good considering all their stuff is overpriced.  I even got a dress from Urban Outfitters.  Not sure when I'll wear it.  I think I'll wash it first to get some of the creases out of it from being packaged.  I got a pretty little bird necklace from them too, I really like it.  It's a little bigger than I expected though.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone really cared what clothes I bought recently.  I think I'm handling the anxiety well enough, but I haven't really had a lot of contact with people until now.  Now there are new people I have to be around, and that's not always easy, even if they are nice.  But I think I'm doing okay.

I had my last finals today.  I only had 3, one was on Monday (chronic disease epi).  I might have done okay on that one, I figure I did as well on it as the midterm.  Today I had biostats at 8 this morning (yuck!) and then infectious disease epi right after that.  I finished the biostats exam in about an hour.  Anything I didn't know, I just didn't know so there was no point in making up answers.  I never have the patience to wait for divine intervention to help me out on tests.  However, I think divine intervention helped me out a lot for the infectious disease final; majority of the questions were listing things, lists I had memorized from the notes.  Seriously, the first three short answer questions were the same exact ones I had spend the past few days memorizing.  It was awesome, that never ever happens for me.  There were some questions I wasn't sure about, one I know I only got half credit for, and some I knew I got wrong.  But overall, I was happy with it.  Took me all of half an hour to complete.  I was done and didn't see any reason to sit and stare at the test any longer.  So I turned it in and left.

For lunch I decided to go to Qdoba and have a celebratory chicken quesadilla (I actually had one yesterday, but at a differnet Qdoba).  I walked in, there was no waiting, and the guy starting preparing the chicken quesadilla without me even ordering it.  Yes, I go there way too often and order the same damn thing every time.  But the quesadilla is soooo delicious!  I could eat them daily, but probably shouldn't.  But, I think I like to eat there because they already know my order, so I don't really have to talk to anyone.  The guy is super nice and friendly though.  He's not so bad to look at either.

So, I've been thinking of getting a cat.  I'd like a cat again.  Just not a little black one because I know it wouldn't be anything like my Heidi.  I've been looking at the humane society website, they have some kittens.  Maybe I should get a kitten instead of an older cat.  Kitten might adapt better to the other animals here.  I don't think the dogs would bother the cat, they're okay with the others.  I just don't want a cat that can't deal with the dogs and the other cats.  There are a lot of orange tabbies, and I don't understand why.  Are orange cats that common?  I figured they'd just have a bunch of gray tabbies.  But whatever, I'll take an orange cat, I'm not picky like that.  It's starting to seem like I buy a new pet after each semester.  I need to stop that before it becomes a habit.

I'm so in love with Josh Ritter.

So I've been watching American Idol and I guess people know I like Jason Castro.  But I don't think he really wants to be there anymore.  I'm starting to feel sorry for the poor guy.  He even said in an interview that he's been feeling lonely lately.  His fans need to stop voting and let the poor guy go home and relax.  I hoped he wouldn't get so tired and fade like he has.  He's been there long enough, and I'm sure someone has noticed him (like someone in the music industry or whatever).  He'll be fine, and he'd probably be more popular doing his own songs rather than someone else's songs (ie. Mariah Carey).  I was a little disappointed in his performances tonight of Neil Diamond songs, but he didn't totally suck.  I think in a few years Jason could be really good.  Maybe get some vocal training, get better on the guitar, and just grow up some more.  I also think David Cook could do better without American Idol.  He could do the Chris Daughtry thing too.  I do actually like Syesha, and I think she really should stay longer.  But I'm done voting on this show.  It's gotten boring.  They really need to consider shortening it for next season.

My week has been okay.  I ran out of buffer Monday, so I couldn't do anymore plates at work until I got more.  Harini loaned me a bottle of her buffer, so tomorrow I can probably finish that SNP.  Maybe the updated software will be installed tomorrow, or next week sometime.

Tuesday was sort of a weird day for me.  It's been sunny and warm, and I've been listening to music a lot this week.  So I guess I've been in a pretty decent mood.  Anyway, Tuesday mornings I have biostats.  A guy who sits in front of me always reads a book during class, and one day I asked what he was reading.  After that he started talking to me a bit.  Anyway, on Tuesday he sat next to me.  That made me very uncomfortable, mainly because he's a big guy and pretty much fills up those seats in that room (amphitheatre style lecture room, but it's not huge).  I like my space, and he was sort of encroaching on mine.  I just tried to pay attention in class and did my nervous doodling.  I didn't talk to him or even look at him really.  He seems nice and friendly, but I'm not that interested in any sort of relationshiping right now.  I guess that's because I've been feeling pretty good even though I'm lonely.  So that was the first kind of weird thing that happened.

Then later that afternoon before my last class (infectious diseases), this other guy who has been in most of the same classes as me, said hello to me in the computer lab.  Now, we're in a group for chronic diseases, it's a homework group deal.  But he's married, and I had a little crush on him last semester before I realized he was married.  (He's made it quite obvious since then, always saying "my wife" this and "my wife" that.)  Anyway, I just thought that was weird because I didn't expect him to bother.  He's friendly and stuff, but still, I didn't expect it at all.

THEN, in class, the prof was discussing contact tracing, which is like partner notification for STDs.  So, he was explaining why it can be difficult to find all the contacts in the case of an STD.  He made up an example about anonymous sex, saying that people could have sex with someone and not really know their names or enough about the person to contact them.  And he used the names Michael and Laura who had sex one night in a motel during a business trip or something.  Yeah, why my name???  That was embarrassing.  I've never had sex with a person whose full name I didn't know.  Hopefully my name will never be used again in an example to illustrate anything about STDs.

Wednesday was okay, really boring though since I couldn't do any work.  Plus, there are only two computer labs in the building, and one was reserved ALL DAY for I don't know what.  I found that very very inconvenient.  It was used all day again today.  I hope they'll be done with that tomorrow.  Anyway, presentations for my epi study design class were that afternoon.  My group didn't have to present this time.  We will for the next one I think.  Anyway, the last group to go used that powerpoint design with the red curtain on the stage.  But, the very last slide, the "any questions?" slide, was a different background.  It was this black and red smokey picture, but the smoke had these really creepy skulls with scary teeth.  Someone asked why they used that scary picture, and the guy said, "The colors matched the rest of the slides."  Yeeeah.... it matches, but that doesn't explain why you used such a creepy one.  There was only one guy in that group, and I figure he's the one who put that picture up for the background on that last slide, probably because he liked it even though it was really damn creepy.  These presentations are all on the same question, if physical activity can prevent type 2 diabetes in children.  We just change the study design to answer the question.  I just thought I'd share that, because I thought it was really really weird, but still really funny.  "Because the colors matched".....

I got a haircut Sunday.  It's shorter now; I couldn't stand my hair being almost beyond my shoulders anymore.

Jason Castro is still on American Idol.  I admit that I did vote a few times.  But, you all already know I'm pathetic like that, so whatever.  I like his performances and his singing voice, and it doesn't hurt that he's so cute and dorky.  I like dorks.  Well, I mean I like dorky people, not whale penises.

I've had a pretty good day so far.  I had to get up really early, but that was okay.  I went to work and got a good bit done, enough to make next week go okay.  I listened to Ted Leo & the Pharmacists on my mp3 player during lunch and during the walk back to the lab.  It was great, I haven't listened to him in a long time and I really do love him.  So with the warm weather and sunshine, listening to some music I really like... it was just really fantastic.  That's probably what kept me awake the rest of the day.  I got up at 5:40 or so, took a nap in my dad's truck for about an hour and a half, then walked to the lab just before 8.  I prepared 4 plates today, got them all done by 4.  Hopefully I can get the next SNP done by Friday if I can run some plates on Tuesday and Thursday.  Probably should try to do at least 2 on Monday and Wednesday.  Actually i might could do 3 on Wednesday.  Hmm... maybe not, I don't have lab that day.  I could try though.  I also watched a lot of youtube videos.  Mostly Jason Castro American Idol crap (I have a serious problem), but I did see some elephants play soccer and Conan O'Brien being so funny I cried.  I like being in the lab when there's no one else there to get in my way or make a lot of noise.  It's usually very pleasant there on weekends.

But today I was thinking that I've felt pretty good all week.  I'm not sure why; I'm not liking the warm weather that much (it's too early in the year to start sweating again).  This past week at school was pretty good, I got an A on a midterm I thought I did poorly on, I got a homework assignment I'm actually excited to do because I liked the question, and I know I don't have to do a presentation next week.  However, I miss talking to my crush friend who has been feeling no so social lately, but it's okay because I've been there, too.

I also thought real hard about the Jason Castro crush today.  I think it's just because I like skinny dorky guys who sing and/or play a guitar.  Yeah, I don't know why, I just do.  I also like falsettos.  Again, I don't know why, I just do.  Okay, that's enough about American Idol.  I really do dislike that stupid show.

Really, I am very uncool at the moment.  I just googled Jason Castro.  (It's okay, go ahead and make fun of me.  I know I deserve it for this.)  Then I watched his American Idol performances (Gah!).  I'm a sad sad person.  I just wish he didn't have poo-locks.  And that he wasn't prettier than me.  He's pretty and I like looking at him regardless of his hair, but he's definitely definitely 20 years old.  I feel old.  *sigh*

I lost my scan card that allows me to print things out on campus.  I lost it yesterday I guess, after putting $5 on it.  I went in early today in order to print things out and sit around before my 9:30 class.  I couldn't find my card, even though I checked the pockets of the jeans I wore yesterday this morning to see if I left any keys or cards in the pockets (I do that a lot).  I found nothing in the pockets.  So, I went on to school thinking my card was in my purse.  I got to school and it was nowhere in my purse or my backpack.  I have two cards for situations like this, but the other card only had about $0.22 on it.  I managed to print out the notes for one of my classes, the afternoon one.  Biostats was this morning, and I didn't feel like learning at the time so I doodled instead.  I doodled guinea pigs.  But anyway, I had a point.  I checked my campus email after class, and someone had found my card and emailed me to say so, and that I could just go to and get it.  I really appreciated that.

There was a free eye screening at school today.  I got my eyes checked.  It was a very basic screening though.  I can see better (with my glasses) through the left lens than the right.  I knew there was something weird about that right one!  I think it was students doing the screening, and I suppose the older guys not wearing lab coats were supervising.  When I left, one of them stopped me and directed me towards his little booth.  I got some lens cleaning cloths, and apparently I can get $25 off my eye exam if I go to that clinic.  I mentioned that I have a hard time finding frames that fit my face, and he said they could help me with that, and they could defnitely find something that would work.  Of course in my head i was thinking, "Yeeah, suuure you can.  I won't bother wasting my time with that."

I've had a lot of energy lately, but I think it's just nervous energy.  At least I'm getting things done.  I plan to go in to work this Saturday and stay as long as I can in order to get these SNPs done soon.  I'm sick of Taqman!  Blargh!

I can't believe I have a crush on some guy on American Idol.  Sad, sad, sad.

Some of you may have seen my comment left on Cordell's page yesterday (because he's too popular) about some patient who escaped to go smoke.  It was weird, I was on my way to lunch and walked by the hospital, and that's when I saw him walking away from the hospital in only a hospital gown (only one by the way, and I don't know if he had on anything beneath it, I didn't look that hard) with the IV needle in his hand (without any bag attached).  I walked past, wondering where he was going and if he even knew.  I called my mother since I had my cellphone with me, and asked her if I should stop him.  She said yes, but that someone else might stop him.  So I walked back but didn't see him.  Then I saw him crossing the street at the end of the block.  Someone in a lab coat was talking to him, but he walked away.  Anyway, I went to the corner, maybe to follow him and make sure someone would help or something.  Then he crossed back to my corner.  I asked him where he was going, he said he hadn't smoked in 4 days and was going across the street to smoke since other people smoke there.  I let him go, he didn't seem out of touch and he knew what he was doing.  But I did flag down a policeman who was driving by and explained that the man only had a hospital gown on and the IV still in his hand.  Then I went to lunch, that was as much as I could do with the situation. 

I'm glad I asked the guy, because that would have bothered me the rest of the day if I  hadn't.  It's like that morning, when I saw some guy trying to stop a horse from running into the road.  I hope he caught the horse, there was a lot of traffic that morning on that road. 

The night before my mouse died, it was the white one.  She had huge tumors, and even though she ate it didn't do her much good.  Those tumors sucked the life out of her, and she looked pitiful sitting there in her food dish trying to eat.  So I took her out and suffocated her.  I hate doing that.  I hope the last one dies in his sleep so I don't have to watch him suffer.  I don't like killing my pets .

I got an A on my chronic diseases test, and a B  on the infectious disease test.  I'm pleased with the results, but would have preferred an A on the infectious disease test.  I can't do any work at the moment, someone else is hogging the pre-PCR room.  I'm thinking of just not bothering with another plate and just go home.  Well, just go take a nap in my dad's truck.  *Sigh*  I'm never going to finish these SNPs

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