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      I can remember when I first found this site, how excited I was to be able to just be myself amongst good people who suffer with this anxiety like I do. Since then I have had to have open heart surgery, and I havent been able to be online as much as I wanted to be. For some reason, even trying to make friends online makes me nervous, but this site, and you great people made me feel welcome and a part of something. Now I find myself kinda in a depressed mode, and a little more anxious than normal because of the surgery. I know it is a normal part of my healing process, but I feel guilty that I havent been able to communicate with my new friends like I want to. To all of you out there, I apologize if I have been silent, but I have thought about you guys alot. I havent had a chance to talk to very many people yet, and I dont want to lose touch with any of my new friends, or jeopardize my chances of making many, many, many more friends. So I want ed to write this blog to tell you all I will be back very soon, as I am getting better everyday, and I probably wont be able to stop bothering all of ya.....LOL. What A great place this is to feel good about oneself...............Rob

I am crazy about the beatles so I had to use them in my title. And besides, it was so appropriate, I am getting better all the time. Every since I became a member of Social anxiety friends, I have had some very scary things happen to me, and yet I feel as calm and as relaxed as I have ever felt. I am not sure why, but I have been to a lot of message boards that did nothing for me, but social anxiety friends was a godsend. I feel so comfortable here. My anxiety is so bad that there would have been no way I could have made a homepage, responded to comments by other members, or written a blog. Everyone here appears to be sent from heaven. Everyone here is, or appears to genuine, and not trying to be fake. We are who we are, and I just wanted to take this time to thank you all for being so courteous, and making me feel welcomoniated(i know, not a word, just a feeling). I feel like I found a new family and a whole new set of wonderful friends. God bless all of ya.............................Rob

Well, all my new friends, I finally had to come face to face with one of my worst fears. Tha dreaded heart attack. On 7-19-07 I had a stent placed in one of my arteries, because it was 90% blocked. Everything seemed to go well and I was released from the hospital on 7-21-07.

We all, who have suffered panic attacks, always think we are having heart attacks, when in fact we aren't. However, one day after being home on 7-22-07, I had a massive heart attack, and had to be careflighted to a hospital different than the one that I had just been to for the stent. They did a heart catheterization thier and could not believe the way the stent was placed by the other hospital.

After discussing it with my family, I decided to have the open heart surgery, and get things fixed once and for all. its been 12 days now since I had the open heart surgery and I'm getting stronger everyday. Not only physically, but spiritually, and emotionally as well. I thought about this site every day, and all the new friends I was making, and trying to get to know better. Cant have enough friends, so Anyone who needs an ear, or a friend, I'll be there.

On a more legalistic side of things. When I got careflighted to the hospital after my heart attack, the cardiologist wanted to know who put the stent in my artery a few days ago. I told him where it was done, and who did it, and he about went nuts. He said that the stent was very improperly placed, and he had pictures to show me. I was furious!!!!! It looked like a 2nd grader intalled that stent.

So, It looks like this old boy is getting a lawyer(already have), and going to make someone pay for all this unnecessary surgery, fear, heartache, panic, and possible heart damage. We arent sure of the heart damage yet. Again, all my life I have had anxiety attacks. Out of the blue many times, and I always seemed to have the same symptoms. Feeling of tightness in chest, rapid heartbeat, tunnel vision, fight or flight syndrome, which was always flight. dizziness, and a host of other symptoms to long to mention. The doctor has made me live for 2 weeks in the places I was most afraid of and I cant believe I was strong enough to walk out. Not just walk out, But walk out with some fight in me. Ever since I became a member of this board things have happened that have upset, and scared me, but I CAN'T BELIEVE THE INNER STRENGTH i AM ABSORBING. It is absolutely amazing. Well startign to ramble, so better go......................hug...........Rob

     It's 3:15 am and once again I am wide awake. I try and try to sleep, but my mind races with way more thoughts than it can handle. It would be so easy to just pop in an extra xanax, but I dont like to do that, and besides, it would probably not help me sleep anyway.

     I have to go to the hospital today in about 7 hours and have a heart catheterization done. Yippee! I had a stress test, and echocardiogram done last week, and the stress test shows normal, but the echocardiogram shows a problem, so now we do the heart cath to find out which test wasn't telling us the truth.

     However, a remarkable thing is happening to me now, and I have been trying to sort it out in my head for about 3 or 4 days. With my SAD and GAD I have always had panic attacks, and one the the symptoms of my panic attacks is the feeling of having a heart attack. Now that a test by a cardiologist shows some sort of abnormality, I feel no fear. I feel almost like I have been redeemed. Its so strange of a feeling, I dont think I can put it to words. So many years and now they find a problem. I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to reflect on my life so far. A strange thought process is going on here. Thus, long nights.