I am so bored and lonely. I was doing so well and without medication for almost 3 years but now I am really having a problem. I bought a house this spring (I shared a house with roomates prior to this) and my best friend ( we have been friends for 23 yrs) died of cancer in April, so I know that this anxiety has been brought on my these life events. People ask me to go and do things and I make excuses so I do not have to go even though I really want to and pretty soon I know they will stop asking. I cannot tell them I am having panic attacks, and it usually happens when I am driving. I know it sounds weird but my attacks and anxiety never happen when it makes sense for them too (when I get sad about my friend, or when I think about living alone), I always have had the SA thing and it is kind of underlying until something major happens and then it is really bad. Before I would go out with the few friends that I do have- I would make myself even though I felt less than fashionable, and that people would think I was boring, even though I am just shy. Now that it has surfaced again it is 10 times worse and after driving to where ever we are going I am almost in tears from the pounding heart and so tense I feel that my bones will break. I do not want to go back on medication- I was doing really well but I cannot seem to get it together. What a pain in the you know what- why can't I just be normal? Grrrr-frustrated....
