so i asked my brother and mom if it's normal at all to worry everyday and they were unable to answer me. so i'm asking everyone here... is it okay for someone to worry everyday? i'm asking this because i do worry, everyday. and it's not extreme, it's usually not too bad, but some days i can get so off track from worrying i don't really do much that day .... i just kinda worry. soo, i'm hoping if there is anyone on here is who kinda like me, worrying all the time, or knows if it's normal to worry everyday or not....or something...
i hate this. i hate when i get so down. i lose all hope, and want to kill myself. i feel as if it's impossible for me to think positive. i don't think i'll ever enjoy life. i ######## hate this feeling of worthlessness and self-loathing. why can't it just go away for good? i'm getting sick and tired of it. i try to talk about it, but that only helps temporarily. i just want to die. i'm so ######## pathetic. if i only felt no pain, that's the part i fear about dying. and thats whats kept me from killing myself i think. i feel retarded writing this piece of poo blog.
So, yeah, this is my first blog that I've actually decided to write. Yay.
But umm, any who, lately I've been feeling extremely down and anxious about everything. It's really pissing me off because I've never had it this bad before. I don't want to take anymore happy pills because I hate the fact that a medicine is controlling my mood and that it's really not me most of the time. I just don't like it at all. So I've been off meds for about 3 months now, I didn't notice much until this past week where everything is just making me worry, anxious, annoyed, and depressed.
I was fired from my job..my first job within..3 days. Awesome, go me. Just because I wasn't smiling like a dumbass the whole time. But whatever, I guess Ill just need to find a job that doesn't require me to act like someone I'm not. I really hate having to smile to a customer when I'm really not meaning it. It just feels wrong.
Somedays..well not really somedays more like some hours of the day I feel great, then others everything seems to suck and seem pathetic and pointless. Maybe it's because I'm still a teen and I'm going through mood swings still...I dunno. I just wish my mood was f'ing consistent for once in a while and meds didn't help with that much at all.
Eh, I should stop typing I guess this blog is more for me to read and keep track of the way my moods are flying around and try and notice a pattern or something. 'Cause I know it's extremely boring to read blogs and I doubt anyone cares enough to read this worthless blog of mine to begin with. I like the type of person I am, but somedays I just wish I could be a sheep like most teens and not think about anything other then whats going on my little world. If that makes sense. Probably doesn't but oh well.
