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I read an article http://tools-for-thought.com/2008/10/08/use-nonfinishing-to-break-writers-block/ "Use Nonfinishing to Break Writer’s Block" I found it very useful for people like me who have a Hard Time Starting things. I also realized that no matter how bad I was the previous day, what usually gets me going is starting the next morning with fresh energy. I get rest when I sleep, I do my morning exercise. I take a shower. I do many calming things and energizing things and that sets me off with a clear mind to approach the day. I then log in my small notebook my timeline, my jobs for the day, and my approach to get it done. Today my approach is to have 2 recollections. When I say recollection, it's like that religious/spiritual practice to let go of everything, and recollect yourself. I consider waking up everyday a sort of recollection. Why not do this twice a day if the first time works? So what if I stop everything when half of my day is done - take a shower, calm down and stop, reevaluate my day and my self.
ive come from many addictions. seems binge eating has been my most crippling for so long. as i write this its been around 40 hours, with eating set meals, and staying calm when i feel the claws of this monster. I feel so calm, and my mind is starting to get this sort of 'aliveness' again. like, my numbness to the world which acted like a dark cloud, is clearing a bit.
we hate and get pissed at "they or the world because of how "tired" we think they make us, or we actually allow them to make us. The illusion we created over the years. it grows on us. There is no "objective" world. there is no absolute world. No, we don't all live in the same world. We are our thoughts. That is where the world is defined. That's what brings it into existence. As long as we're alive, we have a choice how to define it. We have the power to control what matters, and what does not matter. The world can be a beautiful place if we allow it to be. Sometimes I believe I don't allow myself to be happy. I fear being happy because it's "different". It's settling for less, just because this is how it is - just like how the abused settle to serve their sentences of living a life in fear. Its a spell cast upon them, and it takes a hard smack on the head to wake up. There was a scene from the film "Adaptation", the main character played by Nicolas Cage, a depressed and anixety suffering writer, was in a writing workshop. He asked the speaker, who was a successful writer, something like, "how do we move the story if in reality, nothing much really happens in life... Life is a cold dark place, etc, etc...". The speaker was enraged and came back with something like, "What the $&#^% are you talking about!? What do you mean nothing happens? So much happens every second of every day in any given place in the world! You're such an idiot! Sheesh" or something like that. ... When I don't remember to remind myself... I get lost, living in "THEIR" world, not mine. Living as a victim.
It all starts from the mind and in our thoughts. The next time we feel that way, let's ask, "Why am I not living my life, and why am I not in the beautiful world that is?"
i see my sister and brother in law almost every other week. they have a 2 year old little girl. the moment she sees me she hides. im at fault because i myself am petrified at her. What makes me panic is showing emotion when my family members are around. I'm in a serious mood, and kids/toddlers need smiling, playfulness, or acting kinda out of our comfort zones. So I can barely even make eye contact with her. Kids scare me and they evoke so many painful memories. It fills me up with hate sometimes when I think of her. I know I have to change my thoughts on this. It scares me even more because I don't want a child to grow up with fear. If a child fears me, I worry what long-term effect that may have on her brain as she grows up. It sucks that she fears someone part of her family. What if she throws tantrums if she knows there'll be a family occasion? What if she may grow up the same way I did and I contributed to that? That hurts. I wish there were an easier way. The thought of just seeing my sister now is something my subconscious is making me fear and avoid.
My meditation routines have slowly gotten lazy and I noticed the past couple of weeks have me on a less rigid and less happy, less calm being. I've been making progress in other areas of my life, specifically planning and in studies. My mindfulness and my touch with the present has been kinda low. A couple of weeks ago, I got a sense of the concept of the book 'the secret' which Linda mentioned to me often. I applied it and it works, it works in starting a chain of optimism and getting me thru the day, and eventually the next and next day, going forward, and branching a web of positivity. Excitement, on the other hand, which goes closely with Positivity, as a natural reaction, is also something i believe we should watch out for. I believe theres a strong difference between excitement and authentic happiness. If I am not aware of the difference, excitement may lead to anxiety if we're not careful. Mindfulness and the everyday practice of meditation is painful. It is painful to a mind in unrest, to an anxious mind. It is painful to the anxious mind that we all have, as SA'ers. Most days, coming from a base or default state of anxiety, the thought of meditation alone is painful. The thought of mindfulness alone is painful. But when we make that choice, (we always have a choice! no matter how powerless and out of control we may think we are) say, a choice to take 5 deep breaths and stop! stop thinking, that alone sends us into a shift, momentum shift. With that small ounce of a decision, we have control. Again, we can gain control of our lives, and set ourselves back into a life more calm and happier. I've come to neglect the guiding voices of my heroes Steve Pavlina (yes cheezy as it all sounds), Gil Frosdal, and the over-all powerful shift in my state of mind that hearing their voices gives me. It feels more real. It helps me remember the decision I made, the decision I made when I was turning 25, to fix myself, when I am straying away. Steve Pavlina mentioned in one of his podcasts something like, "Have you ever knew that a person was going to achieve their goal? There needs to be a shift in identity. Some people just don't get it, they may get it intellectually, but they havn't internalized it" And sometimes I forget. And some days are just bad. Every morning when I wake up, I know I make the choice, whether I'm going to make the most of the day or not. Today I made one decision, last night, I made a decision to have a good day today. I had a great day, not perfect, but great considering what limited control we have + our choices and actions that we have and do based on that limited control. AA says, "Help me accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the Widsom to know the difference". This applies to everything. We know what we have to do, we know when we should just say "get over it and move on" and deep down inside if we're honest, we know the difference.
two people talking about something... isn't it no matter who two people are, no matter what anyone knows, two people can talk about anything under the sun, anything. It is easy to have our own opinions about anything. In fact, it is actually EASIER to have an opinion about something than to not have one. It is easier to make up a hasty mind, rather than simply "suspend judgement". It is always more natural to look for a probable guess, than to not do anything at all. That is why, regarding any topic under the sun, especially the ones that are less common and taboo, people can make up their own theories about it and create their own jokes about it. It is easy to find humor in anything, as long as they find the simple absurdities to it, thus it is easier to joke about the taboo and the strange, the unordinary. However, the reason why there are "strange, unordinary, taboo, and uncommon", is exactly because no one really knows much about it. This makes even more fun to talk about, and makes people even the more inaccurate. love, by fear, by empathy, by pity, by hate, how i hate the logic of emotion, but how I tremble at its power. Emotion dictates even before logic can set in, and even when logic sinks in, the big E-M-O triumphs, as it has been the secret cancer in your Marlboro's, but it is too late. What of the power of the will to brek what was 2 decades, or generations in the making. Idiocy. Power in numbers. Logic doesn't matter. A minority of people's emotions don't matter either. What matters is the dominant group. If everyone was schizophrenic, and only a few were normal, then the schizophrenics would be the normal. If everyone was gay, and a select few were straight, the straight would be the freaks. If everyone had pagan beliefs, and only few were christian, christians would be the idiots. If every man beat their wives, the men who didn't... would not be considered by their peers as "real men". and so on and so forth with the dominant vs. minorities We are dictated by society on how we see good and bad, wrong and right, acceptable and unacceptable, weird and proper. Society has a hold on your religion, has a hold on your values, on the way you treat your friends, you treat your mother, your father, on your conception of your sexuality, on your machismo, on your femininity, on what is sexy, on how you want to feel perceived, on how you feel you deserve to be treated, on your conception of your own individuality, on being part of a team, in being elite in something, in having a talent, in being good at something, in wanting to belong, in wanting to stand out, in how you view your life as being captain of your boat, as being a hero with a delicate set of rules you give yourself which dictates whether you are being true to yourself. Your identity. How original is it? The things we do, does it even matter if they make sense, and do they make sense just to you, only to you, and is that the point, upholding integrity in having individuality, or perhaps choosing not to be a king, in the world of fools, in favor of the more elite but noble choice of being an equal, in a world only of those equal to you and me. Following on, strong in grip, to a path that has been set out before you. Who set this path? Is it really you? Is it nothing more than what this world has done to you. __________who was the first oppressor, the first mover that moved you? Was it not, deep in childhood, when we are powerless, easily manipulated and made to feel shame, fear and pain when we do not have a choice. Early on, we are set out on our path. It was not my choice to have such emotional grounds for judgement on the world, subconsciously dictating my every action leading up unto adulthood. It is not my fault I see the world like this because the path was laid out before me. Each action that I ever took and each new thought that I ever thought is a branch, connecting from a tree, down to its roots. There is no sudden change where we can become different people. And if a young plant is twisted around like a bonsai, what then of the tree? It just goes somewhere else. It twists and turns, unknowingly, until when it finally grows eyes, sees the other trees, and says to itself, "I am short, confusing, and pretty much ugly, however beautiful in sort of a way but only to the sophisticated tastes of my owner and the afficionados, and I am in some Japanese's home, on display, as a piece of art. I feel cheated to a life with the others in the forest. I am a captive, I am pretty much a freak. They make me feel special, but they don't tell me, they made me."
I got glasses once again, earlier this afternoon. Once again, because I always find a way to lose my glasses. One reason is because I hate wearing them. I choose to see the world visually impaired. They say the blind mold their brain into something that is quite different from one that can see, and for good reason, obviously. How does one born blind think? They cannot think visually. In terms of colors, definately not. Black and white even? Hmmm, do they even know black and white? What about me? I grew up never wearing glasses. I learned to see the world as a big blur. I could only see things that were near. It is kind'a scary, to see more clearly, and to see more, and in detail. One reason I choose not to wear glasses is because I don't want to see the world visually. And, that's how my brain got used to thinking - not paying attention to faces, to people, to surroundings. Maybe that's why I'm a bad visual artist. So maybe that's why I think everyone is crazy! I do literally perceive a different world. In the kingdom of the 2-eyed, the people with bad eyesight are a different species. I heard a study on an indigenous tribe that lived in a thick jungle. When an anthropologist or something got one of them out of the jungle and into a plain with animals at a distance, the tribesman said in his native tongue, "Look at those ant sized deers." His brain really didn't know how to see distance. This is proof that subjective experience is flawed. On blindness on the other hand, the shaping of the reality of a person is based more from imagination and fantasy, rather than perception. In philosophy, they say the 3 main ways we gain knowledge is from Sense perception
Imagination
Intuiton (I'm not sure about these 3, but it goes something like, I think) And we all put it together by processing, logically, or emotionally, or however we mix it all up. Intuiton can only take us so far. But basically, how much a person uses these 3 elements and how much of each he uses dictates the person's reality. Over time, it is more evident, as seen with the example of the indegenous tribesman. Is your world an imagination or reality?
right now i gotta face a big hump and a huge thing for me. its gathering the serenety, courage, and composure to apply as an Intern for a company. the whole thought and everything about it sends me into a fearful state of confusion and numbs my mind and body, literally. then all my self-destructive habits start showing up. i fear authority figures and my mental image of working in a company is one scary place. my CV or Resume. How do i explain when the first thing they ask is, why am i 25? what have you been doing in college? And, then memories of myself panicking in such situations make me feel the shame and powerlessness all over again. I want to get through this. I may not be ready, but its not like ill Ever be completely ready. Im going to do great this time, and not comparing to everyone else or all the other studnts, but just comparing to myself.
hey guys, im just compiling my list. hopefully any of u will also check them out and be a great help to u as well! =) Books: the secret - thanks to linda_gx! soft addictions don't sweat the small stuff - (im surprised this book has been around for so long but i only touched it now) meditation - osho Podcasts: http://amberstar.libsyn.com/ - This has been amazing for me. Gil Fronsdal rules! http://www.lifehack.org - This has stuf on productivity http://www.stevepavlina.com - hes the main man! Audiobooks: lucinda basset's anxiety audiobook Kerry Johnson's 'science of self discipline' dalai lama's 'art of happiness' steve chandler's '100 ways to motivate yourself' Anyone suggest any good books, podcasts, or sites, pls feel free to share thanks! =)
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