Viewing 1 - 5 out of 5 Blogs.

I hate it. I did it again. My boyfriend asked me to meet some of his friends and it was so terrifying for me even to think about meeting a group of new people that I refused. He said he just has to keep telling his friends that I exist since I also refuse to hang out.

All my friends and people that don't know me well think I'm such a calm, quiet, and laid back person. I really don't get it. I have more anxiety than a lot of those people and nobody sees it! My parents don't even realize I have social anxiety. They think I just don't like people that much. I'm just astonished at how blind people can be to it. I can always tell when someone else struggles with it!

There is a reason I avoid parties and anything that just rely on socializing with people. I started off good when there were a few people there. But once there were more I shut down and barely talked. My friend said I looked miserable. 

Its so frustrating!!!!  

I guess I'm posting this because I'm frustrated over the very silly things I get nervous over and wanted to see what other people are nervous over. 

So I'm nervous...

Going anywhere alone...including store, pumping gas, public transportation  (with huge fear of there being no seats no the train)

Almost any phone calls including talking to my dad on the phone and my sister. Ordering things by phone, calling up a company, and talking to my own therapist on the phone. I have a huge phone phobia/avoidance

 Going/doing anything new. Talking to/hanging out with any friends/acquaintances. 

I explained it to my therapist as I never feel calm, I don't know how to relax (he thinks I have GAD too).

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I've been in therapy for over a month. It's helped a little with my mood (I'm not depressed but have feelings of being down a lot). However, it hasn't done poo for my anxiety! I am just so angry and sick of being this way. I mean seriously why am I nervous calling my own sister? Going to the store? Asking people to help me with someone? My stomach hurts everyday. My boyfriend just gets frustrated and tells me to get over it.

I want to get on medication but have called half a dozen doctors which was really difficult and haven't gotten any that are taking new patients or that I can afford since I am a student.

 I never used to get angry over my nervousness. I would just accept it as part of me. Now that I'm an adult and thousands of miles from my parents, I just get so frustrated. I don't want to be like this anymore