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hmm. I have a burning desire for life. To avenge what has been taken from me for so long. So many opportunities lost. So much beauty broken. I dont want to sleep. I dont have time for sleep. As I get better I see what I am capable of and see what I have missed. Bittersweet it is. To find and at same time realise what you have lost. I wont loose anything anymore. I will grab life and I will squeeze it. I hope the wait is over. Oooh I do hope that.

I feel strong. A king of old. I feel like laying worlds barren. Like shaking the moon. Travel with the sun. Light up my footsteeps. Turn trees to blood. That is how I feel like. My body cannot contain this life. Its too much. Too much. I. AM. AM. I am.  

I cant really describe the beauty running through my veins in these very moments. It seems futile to even try. But I do feel reborn. Every moment. Each one. I feel new to this world. I feel my hands. I watch them. And feel them. I dont know why. Where I am there is no why. Why is obsolete. Why is meaningless. I feel the universe pulsating. I am all the galaxies and yet i am not. I am all and nothing.

My skull is giving in. I feel it reshaping. My mind is reeling. Seasickness is setting in. Travelling on a single drop of happiness. Strangely its enough to float the world. I am ready to die. I dont know why. I should summon the armies of the west. I know I should. I have something to tell, I beleive. But I have believed this so many times before. Oh so many times.  

Oh. How I wonder. Oh how I wonder where this message in a bottle will go.   

 Sorry. I have to say that word. Its not the mian theme of my blog. But still. Sorry. Sorry for not replying to all the wonderful people wishing me a happy birthday some 6 months ago. Sorry. And sorry about me closing the meditationgroup without due notice. Well. it didnt really fly did it. So im sure it wont be missed.

Happiness be with you.

 

It all seems to come together. Finally. As I progress in my own way I  stumble upon life and gently ponder what to do with it.

Today I went to a new job-interview. It went silky smooth, although I am probably to old. My humbleness does my good, I reckon. The job is as a courier with endless possibilities for the right mind, as this is one the bigger companies in Europe, with offices across the world.

I spend the rest of the day in the capital of this samll country, namely Copenhagen. Beautiful women from Loreal was there handing out advertisments. Excellent. I wondered if I should ask one of them out. But I am to new to life. My boldness exists in my mind only. I dont regret it.

Other than that my being is one of pure love from time to time. It comes with the meditation-technique. Its like small cracks in the texture. Widening. Expanding. It can only go deeper.

 

Well. The last couple of weeks have been victory upon victory. And I should be proud. The lovely thing is, that I really isnt. I'll explain. In the past I have been seeking those proud moments to somehow quell the state of inner affairs. But at the moment I feel so centered (not self-centered) that I dont have to feel proud to feel good about me. Nice, I think.

Anyways, I called Adecco (temp agency) the day before yesterday, went to an interview yesterday which went smashing. And now have a job this monday. For a month. Full time. That is just about right for experimental purposes. Good times.

Edit : I had a little section here about some adecco-test. I moved it down below, as I dont really see the point of it. I have been taught existence by doing things all my life and to be proud of existing when I do well. How shallow. How unhealthy. I dont see the point of it anymore. Reading what I wrote just creeps me out. Its a thing of the past. Some of what I wrote is still there. For my own reminder how it went. And what it was.

Well. Thats it for now. Some victories. I hope for more in the coming weeks.

 

( 98 questions in 5 minutes. 

19154487           & nbsp;           &nbs p;    191544487

5 minutes, 90 of 98. 2 wrong. Normal around 30-40.)

 

I heard this song several years ago. 15 or so I think. I am a lousy singer but still I have uttered the chorus numerous times. My ex-grilfriend thought I had made it up. but recently I found the entire text and showed it to her too. I thought I would share it with you nice people in here. The lyrics goes like this:

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-haaa!

Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees
And begged you not to leave
Because I'd go berserk?
Well. . .

You left me anyhow
And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

You thought it was a joke
And so you laughed
You laughed when I had said
That losing you would make me flip my lid
Right. . .

You know you laughed, I heard you laugh
You laughed, you laughed and laughed
And then you left
But now you know I'm utterly mad!
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

I cooked your food
I cleaned your house
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind, unselfish loving deeds?!!
Hah. . .

Well you just wait
They'll find you yet
And when they do they'll
Put you in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

 

http://it.stlawu.edu/~x0tsing/takeaway.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/They%27re_Coming_to_Take_Me_Away_Ha-Haaa%21

This blog-title is from Radiohead. But I think they got it from a movie at some point. At least I saw a movie from the 90' where this excellent line was uttered. Anywho it pretty much sums up my existence around most people. For some reason I decide to run away and hide somewhere. Somewhere on the inside. Its very strange. And not at all nice.

But at least im starting to see the light. And slowly deflate the false me.