For the past few nights I've been tossing and turning, unable to sleep because IT is finally hitting me. Of course, that IT is the sheer enormity of what I've missed in the past three years at my school. There's so much that I haven't learned and experienced because of my anxiety. And to think I didn't even realize until about nine months ago that it was anxiety that has been impeding my growth.

I definitely regret not tackling my anxiety but then again I've never been in touch with myself.

I overheard some people in class today talking about how they would be taking shots during the presidential debates everytime they were to hear 'change' and I wanted so badly to join them. It sounded like so much fun!

There are moments like the one mentioned above when I'm just brimming with enthusiasm but there are still those times when I can overcome by anxiety and must retreat. Today I was singled out in one of my classes; the professor wanted to get more involvement from the class and, knowing of my experience with the subject matter, called on me to fill in some blanks. I was completely dumbfounded and looked like a complete idiot when I couldn't answer his questions. He was as surprised as I was that I didn't have an answer. I've spent much of the day from that point till now hiding in my room trying to escape from my own embarrassment and shame.

It's sad that I am my own worst enemy and that I keep myself from loving and living.

Oh well, today's just another day.