Before I start with the real issue I am writing tonigt.  Let me explain a little bit about myself.  I live in julias bubble world.  I don't watch the news, I don't read the newspaper. I don't even listen to the radio.  I'm simply not interested and this entire world makes me sad, all the hate and the voilence.  Its just horrid, I know its out there, i just don't feel the need to immerse myself in it on a daily bases.

I also live in a town of less then 6000 people. Raye grew up in a town of like 75 people. And now lives in a town of less then 200.  We have lots of petty crime, lots of drugs, about ten yeas ago this part of kanasas had the highest drug traffic rate in the usa.  I don't know what it is now. but i'm sure its still high.

There has been real violence hear over the years, before i was born there was yorkie smith who killed the track team behind the dike, and an old women who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  There have been a few suicedes over the years. my rape by a strange in 95, and probaby a few others I didn't hear about.  There is child abuse, of all kinds.

Whats pissing in my postostios at the moment is the rest of the world has started invading my comfy bubble world, it pisses me off, makes me sad, and its just wrong, no where is safe anymore.  Two years ago chanute had a murder at save a lot, 20 miles from where i live, last year they had a murder at the aliibi.. last week we had a stabbing a few blocks from where i live, the kid lived and the attacker was caught in texas today. 

Now for today, a young women was found dead out in Toronto, at moment they have road block set up and not to much info out so i am going to assume she must have been rather fresh for lack of a better term, they seem to be thinking he could still be in the area, the road blocks end about 20 miles from my house.

Oh and do you remember the train rail guy a few years ago, he slit on of are gilrs throat here in town, she lived though.

My point is why would i want to go out into the big bad world, its not ######## safe for god sakes,  my therapist thinks this issue makes up for a lot of my anxiety along with low self esttem.  I think I'm just ######## smart. I swear to god i'm about to move my @$$ out to walnut or someshit, which at a guess i would sa papulation like 50, I know there are nuts everywhere but you got a better chance of spotting them if there are less people.

okay, thats it, just needed to get that off my chest, still not sure i'll sleep good tonigt.  Haven't felt the need for a screwdriver under my pillow for quite some months now, but i put it back earlier just in cast.  Yes, you all I'm that damn nurotic.

anyway says some words of peace tonight or something, god knows this world needs it.

julia