that mean a lot. I'm on one vicodin right now and i haven't taken one for my back in a very long time. I had a long day yesterday lugging kato around and sitting and standing non stop. It was a fun day though. Eric took me to get kato seen by a popular vet who is really cheap and it turned out to be teh setting for one of my biggest social feats ( small to a regular person, but you know how that goes ) I struck up convos with other pet owners and they did me. Me and eric were joking non stop and i was having a lot of fun. The 1 hour wait went by fast and when we got there at first it was near lunchtime so i suspected there'ed be a wait but it was 2 hours! so we passed teh time trying to find a shady spot for us and kato somewhere to eat and found a meditarranean place ( love greek food) and i snuck kato inside underneath one of the tables while we ordered. lol We just hung out and talked and i began to notice that i still liked eric ( that's a whole different story though)The whole day yesreday i did more talking than i have in a long time and i was so happy i finally got out again and made actual succeeded attempts. Littel feats make big changes in my self confidence. :) Hopefully i can carry this to the next job i interview or the next person i try to befriend. There's always a hop in my step after a good day, i'm sure you can relate...you know, you hold your head a lil higher and suddenly hope is much more attainable. :) alas, its only a temporary euphoria, but it doesnt have to be if you keep it up! I am going to try. Anyway, so after all the pet hoopla, we went back to his place b/c he mentioned his kitty and i wanted to meet her. He showed me around his awesome house. It's so big and old ( 100 yrs) and he lives alone in it. I love old houses, the way the wood creaks and the different sounds they make. I'd love to live in a house like that. He showed me the attic lol Interesting and creepy , but cool at teh same time b/c of the old parts in it like this humungous fan built into teh structure itself.Oh and he has an all black beautiful kitty. She was so calm and the polar opposite of both my kitties. I loved her.

THEN lol on the way back to my place, he was running out of gas.... we had stopped at a gas station and he never got gas ! See, he has this problem with his gas light where it lieks to stay on all the time and a logical person, youd think, would keep it filled up as much as possible if you never know when teh hell you have enough gas. I was joking about it with him. People amaze me at how smart they can be just as much as how oblivious lol He is that smart yet oblivious type. Can you guess what happen? lol Yep, stalled right at the intersection a mile or so from my place and it was HOT out. We ended up waiting for the traffic to stop and pushed the car across to a spot that was safe, laughing and embarrased with a cat meowing in the background lol   Then he called his friend who just happened to get off work a mile from us and he picked up our stranded souls. And that is how i met his good friend Chris lol He dropped me off and took eric to get his car. I had major SA in the car, so i giggled a lot at whatever was funnty... its what i do , its my nervous tick at times and i hate it lol I'm sure you gals can relate, eh? My SA is so much kless prevalent when one on one. Add just one person and it exacerbates ten fold :( one more after that and i'm practically mute, especially if their is a lot of laughinga nd comraderie going on. I know part of this is directly coorelated to being ridiculed as a teen and i didn't have a very supportive family atmosphere. i pretty much know what causes my SA, its taking teh steps to fix it and feeling like i can that is the hardest part.  Anyway, it was such a good day and the happy feeling lingered throughout the night :) I was invited to a football game but my back wouldnt be able to stand teh bleachers nor would my brain stand football lol My ADD is way too strong to be sitting around watching men throw a ball and tumble eachother. Socerr , basketball and hickey are teh only sports that can keep up with my ADD. I wish it had been one of those.

So, i'm taking baby steps to healing myself once again. You f all you get back up, you get depressed, you get over it. You think your world is going to end or you don't deserve to be in it and then something nice happens. Its' refreshing ....the air is more breathable, your scenses more heightened, the sun light more pretty, the humidity doesnt bother me as much and the heat is like a warm hug. It's like coming out of the flu. :) I appreciate my health and everytime i feel this way i want to help others which reminds me why i wanted to go into health and contribute something to making people better, even if its such a small part, i am happy i do it. No one should suffer, life is too short for anyone to suffer or feel sorry for themselves. Never take for granted what you have. If you catch yourself, kick the @$$ of your brain.