I guess I'll give a little background on myself. I have another back story at another site, but this will be way more detailed.

I'm 20, my birthday was this past December. I'm finally not a teen. Yay!

I've had problems with SA since I was really young. I think it was around Kindergarten and first grade when I really started feeling so anxious I couldn't be social. I've always been pretty smart (at least that's what people tell me) and mature, so ever since fourth grade I worked in the office of my school. I liked it better than going to class, as I could just sit in the back room and answer phones, take messages, and sort files all day long. I really hardly ever was in class. I aced all my tests, so they saw no reason for me to really have to go to class everyday. Lucky. I would also bring the few friends along that I had and would help them with the class material so we could continue to work in the office.

I was an honor student most of my academic career, but as the grades started getting higher and social ability was more important, I dropped from it and became more of an average student. Halfway through High School, I decided I just couldn't keep going. All the people and having to be social and doing gym (gym was okay, I just wasn't into changing in front of people and all that) was just too much. I dropped out and did home schooling for a bit, but even that got too overwhelming and I took my GED to just get it over with.

I got my first job when I was 17. I worked at Fashion Bug and it was okay the first few days, but then the manager told me it was a requirement to stop what I was doing to go greet customers and see how people were doing. Well, I just couldn't do it. I did it one day and quit. I felt too ashamed to even go to the store at first, but it was just something I couldn't help. At that job was the first time I had a panic attack. That was what really made me ashamed.

Later on, I found out what was really wrong with me. My mom took me to a therapist friend of hers and we described what was going on. She had me go in for a 'test' and it was concluded that I had SA, depression, and PAD. I'd never heard of that stuff before, so it was a huge deal. It felt like the doctor had told me I had some exotic disease, but I got over it.

I tried hold two more jobs, one before having meds and one after. I couldn't keep either one and my therapist said I really needed to work on being social and being able to deal with it before getting a job. I agreed reluctantly. 

I got a new therapist after that one wasn't working out. I didn't feel he was very professional and he was a guy. I am so nervous around guys that it's not even funny and don't let it be a guy I think is attractive, I'll literally get stuck to the stop and not be able to talk no matter how hard I try. That is a reason I've never had a boyfriend. I couldn't flirt or anything to save my life. I keep thinking only a guy who is familiar with my problem will ever be able to see past the ultra shyness.

After years of meds and therapy, I'm not outgoing too much, but I have been able to do something I've wanted to do forever .... go to college. Right now, I just go to junior college, but my dream is to head to Berkley soon. I've wanted to go there since I was about seven years old and I would die of happiness if I ever got in and could go.

I'm majoring in English and hope to get my AA degree in the next two years. Then, maybe a small job to help pay for Berkley or somewhere equally good, if I can't go there.

I lack a lot of confidence, which people take advantage of, especially guys as they seem to think they can say anything to me and I won't care because I don't care about myself, but that's not true.

I'm completely into rock music, though I like all types. My grandmother got me into it, as she was a big fan of Alice in Chains and Iron Maiden. How many people say that about their grandmother? LOL!

She got ill about the time I was 16 or 17 with Alzheimer's and then had a stroke just a few months ago. My family and I take care of her completely because we really wouldn't feel right putting her into a home, as we hear they are pretty bad, even though they seem good.  She's 77 years old, she'll be 78 in June.

My nationality is Black or African American. I like just plain American, though. I do have a smattering of different nationalities in my family, white and Italian, as I know.

So, that's a good bit about me, if there is anything else you want to know, feel free to ask.