Two weeks ago, on saturday the 14th, I decided that I would shop for some clothes(could you really call it shopping when I only purchased two outfits) with the same cousin I went to the movies with. During this activity a part of me felt extremely crummy and embarassed because of course I felt the usual SA symptoms rushing into me like a mad hurricane. Every time I came out of the dressing room(the most dreadful experience of this shopping) with different clothes on, I always felt that EVERYONE in the store was disagreeing with my looks. But the bright side to those messy feelings I had was the bit of relief I felt from leaving my home and entering a place in which I could once again become connected with reality again.
Not to mention I was(and I still am) in desperate need for some new clothes because I am growing out of my old ones so quickly and I haven't shopped for clothes since 2001/2002! I told my cousin that I am interested in black, white, dark red, and dark blue clothes the most(I prefer mostly duller colors over brighter colors). But in the end, out of all the clothes I tried on the only ones I could fit were the brighter colored clothes(UGH!!). I picked out two outfits, I had my cousin pay the cashier with the money my mom loaned me(what a shame, I couldn't even pay the cashier on my own
), and then we left.
I didn't really want to keep telling my cousin just how much I dislike wearing bright, fruity, summer clothes(I'm not used to wearing summer clothes because I hate how my limbs, chest, and back are more visible and that gives me such a vulnerable feeling *shivers*) because she went through the trouble of picking me up, driving me to the store, going in there with me, helping me shop, and thusly paying the cashier(she also did my hair for free again right afterwards over her house, she's so kind
). Well, I hope the next time I go shopping whether it be for clothes, videogames, flamethrowers
, or whatever, I will feel more at ease and just focus on the shopping rather than the people.
Tags: Personal Online Journal
