"Did you know the longer you are with somebody, the more you find out about them?" I made that remark back in 1994 when I was a tutor at an Honors Institute for gifted and talented high school students to my friend who was also a tutor in the same class.
It's an absolutely true statement. What is also true is that some of the things we like about a person now we may not like about them five years down the road. For example, a person who is "solid as a rock" and has a "strong moral foundation" is seen five years later as "stubborn" and "unbending". A person who is "financially stable" now will be a "tightwad" and "penny-pincher" five years down the line. A person who is "spontaneous" now will be seen as being "uncommitted" and "risky" five years later.
ONe of the problems with this image-driven society we seem to live in today is that in many cases, we put up a facade, or we put on an act, to hide our true self, and we only show people what we want them to see. The problem is that, after five years, the facade is torn down, and people see the true you. A lot of people want their partner to change. The problem is, most of the time, change only works for a short time, then they are right back to their original self.
The reason I bring this up is that the last few weeks, since I paid a visit to the emergency room, my boss has been extremely coarse toward me. It peaked early last week when she said to me "I don't believe you" in front of a co-worker when I informed her that she authorized me to make the change. I brought out the document to prove to her that she did authorize the change. The next day, she called me into her office. The first words out of her mouth were, "Is there something you want to say to me?" Now, SHE called ME into her office. I said "No, why?" She said she hated the fact that when I was given an assignment, I focused on my assignment and got it done (if any of you reading this blog see a problem with that last sentence, please let me know). She was upset that I never challenged her decisions or her reversals. In fact, I always do, but she would always ignore me and wave me off and tell me to "do it anyway". Then, when she would fall flat on her face, I would change it back.
What was bothering me was why she was being so mean to me, even after she was was in the emergency room at my bedside when the doctor said to cut out the stress. What was the most ironic to me was, why was she criticing me for the things she liked about me when she hired me.
I talked with my mom about this issue. She asked me how long I have been with my boss. I told her five years (it will be five years to the day on Wednesday, July 23). My mom then told me about the "five-year" itch. This happens to alot of friendships, marriages, and relationships in general. After five years, all of the defenses are down, and each of you sees the real you. The ultimate test of relationships is getting over the "five-year itch" before it becomes the "seven year ache".
I had never experienced this before:
- Before my current boss, the longest boss I ever worked for was for 2 years, 2 months, and 11 days. I am more than double that with my current boss.
- Before my current employer, the longest I had been with one company was for 3 years, 2 months, and 15 days. Last Saturday, I celebrated my 4th anniversary with my current employer (I worked with my current boss for just under 10 months at my previous emplyer).
- Before my move to Columbia, the longest I have ever lived in one city was just shy of 4 years and 3 months. I will have lived in Columbia five years next month.
The odd thing I have noticed is that I have changed as a person as well. She probably does not like the fact that I am gaining more confidence, and I am becoming less afraid to stand up to her. This is as a result of all of the therapy I have been going through over the last year to combat my Social Anxiety Disorder. But also, I have aged five years, and I have gained more experience as a person.
