When I first moved to Missouri and started my college studies, one of the first activities I did was go with my grandparents up to Iowa to attend my cousin's birthday party.  My parents and sister were still living in California at the time, and my grandparents thought it would be nice to get away from the college and visit my aunt and her family.

We attended the birthday party.  The birthday party was held at my aunt's famiily's house which was on the shores of a lake in southern Iowa.  I had a great time there, until another one of my cousins wanted me to go rowing on the lake.

So, I got in the boat with my cousin and we paddled around.  My cousin wanted to start rough housin, and he took a boat paddle and hit me in the back of the head with it.  My glasses flew off my head and into the lake. 

My cousin rowed me back to my grandparents on shore.  We found an optometrist in a neighboring local town (very small town) that agreed to see me on an emergency basis.  I got my eyes checked and my eye prescription filled out, then my grandparents drove me to a mall in Des Moines where I got my new glasses.

One thing I have noticed in my life is that I get stuck in a rut sometimes, or I catch myself doing the same things over and over again.  And even though I was burned the first time, I get burned the second and third times.  In short, how many times do I have to get hit in the head with a boat paddle before I learn to duck?

Now, granted, there is the old expression, "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again."  But, you think you learn the lesson the first time, only to fall back into it a second time.  Sometimes, you are in a bad situation, and you realize that you know it is a bad situation, but you don't take any action because it is the only situation you know, or you feel the situation would get worse if you remove yourself from the situation. 

This is one of the reasons I have been at my job for almost the last 5 years.  I know my boss is abusive, and she has even admitted it to the HR director, but the pay has greatly improved (because of raises from her superiors), and so I am thinking to myself, I am working for them, not for her.  Despite the numerous apologies she gives me, she is still abusive.  If I leave the company, I know I won't get a job for the pay I am making in the current economic conditions, but also my boss would be terminated, and that would would be disatrous in the future if I needed a reference. 

In the comments of another blog I wrote, someone suggested that I find a different position in the same company.  I want to do that, and I have an area that I would like to work, but I just have to put up with my abusive boss a little while longer before I can be in that position.

I recently just completed a 28-day book called "Why Not You?" by life coach Valerie Burton.  She had twenty-eight diffferent daily exercises you could do to boost your confidence, reduce self-doubt, face the real source of my fears, and help me conquer my anxieties.  I have noticed an improvement in my communication skills with other people, I have felt more confident, and I have been able to accomplish my tasks easier and quicker.