You ever get the feeling that for whatever reason, everyone hates you? It's like I've got to try harder than everyone else in the whole world to get people to notice me. I'm nice, I say hi to people; so why is it that everyone is always telling me I'm moody? No one ELSE smiles constantly, and nobody gives THEM a hard time? Can someone tell me why the world is against me? Can someone tell me why it's okay for everyone else to be neutral, but when I do it I'm always moody? Not moody, but always moody?

It reinforces that fear-- you're scared to talk to anyone and your defenses are up (is anyone else CONSTANTLY on the defense?) and they go and say "What's wrong with you? Why are you ALWAYS moody!?" Sometimes I want to scream at them. I want to say "What do you bloody THINK is wrong? Your face is! SOR-RRIE I'm not allowed to be less than sun shiny perfect or I'm MOODY.

What are you suppose to do when you're happy and everyone STILL accuses you of being sassy? What is WRONG that everyone is ALWAYS on my case? Can't they see all they do is make it worse? I can't be happy to see people that just put me down.

So who else makes GREAT first impressions, and that's all? I can get people to like me easily, and then after that is when the fear settles in. It's like... god, once they get to know me they're going to find out how WEIRD and UNLIKEABLE and NOT HUMAN I am. They'll find me BORING and they'll think BAD THINGS and just want to GET AWAY.

Why am I so miserable? Why do I cry from lonliness and just want to connect to someone, but when I do it, I feel like I'm NOT WORTHY?