So, after my meltdown at the end of last weekend I'm feeling very... unsure about things. I don't really know where I stand in the world. I'm starting to feel that the guy that I liked isn't so desireable anymore, which I'm glad about. I needed to get over that stupid crush and I've finally put my foot down about the whole thing.

What do I do now though? I'm at a point in my life where the need for human connection is strong. I want someone in my life that I share a special bond with, if that makes any sense. I've been so scared all my life, I've never been able to obtain this. People are nice to me, yes. I have had friends, not that close of friends but still friends. No one has made me stop and think, "wow" though.... it's so cheesy, but I need someone who doesn't care if I don't talk that much, and can be as silent as me. I have these moments where I seem to burst with conversation; not necessarily because I have a lot to say but because I feel as if I am obligated to fill some invisible quota.

Gotta say something, even if it's stupid, so they don't think something's wrong with me....

I'd rather go through life communicating with a touch on the shoulder and a nod of the head. I hum when I'm happy, or sing softly under my breath, like when a cat purrs when it's perfectly content. People are too used to filling the air with words though, and I'm growing tired of it.