I never had a panic attack before...until just over an hour or two ago...! If it wasn't for this site, explaining the exact same symptons i was going through, i would have thought i was dying or having a heart attack. I was lying in bed...thinking about all the recent poo that has been stressing me out! I haven't eaten properly for nearly 2 week, cos i had no money...until yesterday as the next installments of student loans came in (hurrah). Actually yesterday were extreme highs and lows, and i think my mind has been in overdrive, i just can't stop thinking about things, and i think it tipped me over the edge

Student loan (yay)

Buying food (yay)

Housemate number one bacK (boo)

Housemate chucked all her rubbish in my pots and pans (boo)

Brought new clothes (yay)

Unusally not coping with the busy city atmosphere whilst shopping (boo)

The 'Skins' Episode number 8 was on (YAY)

But the show was depressing and the hottest person on the show might die in the final episode, which was a shame cos the actual character in real life likes the same football team as I NOTTINGHAM FOREST OI OI OI (BOO)

Mum called to tell me she is having hassle witht the local gangs in the area, climbing on to the roof and patio, bloody yobs (BOO)

Mum has underactive thyroids and explained why her mood changed alot(boo)

University (BOO)

Feeling a sense of failure (Boo)

wondering if i ever combat SA (Boo)

beating my self up rotten over miniscule things (boo)

Obessions with my look, i hate me ugly stupid (boo)

worry over approaching people in my assignment (boo)

Isolation (boo)

Obessing over issues (Boo)

and because of all of these BOOs, constantly thinking about negative things all the time, my body started to shake, and i didn't know why, i started to get really hot and pain went through my body. I felt like i couldn't control myself. I suddenlyfelt unwell, so i switched on the light and open the window, but my body started feel numb and pins and needles sensation, i felt doomed, a horrible sense of fear crept over me, my heart felt like it was beating 260bmp, and my head felt numb, and i felt, trippy and dizzy, everything seem abnormal and i was scared of everything around me! i wanted to scream, i was afraid, i ran out of my room and suddenly i just typed in panic attacked on google (unsual way to calm down but it worked) I read through the symptons and it matched mine. This site said it too and i was reliefed, but i cried afterwards, and sort of broke down. I don't think i suffer with panic disorder, but the feeling felt really similar to the time when i freaked out when i was 5 at school, it felt very similar. I was a very nervous kid when i was little. alot of bad things happened. But i am going to the doctor tomorrow, i think it's time to sort my head out, i've let my stress, and anxieties stretch long enough. I know i've got SA, and i do sometimes get OCD when i'm extremely stressed , and i'm depressed and my motivation levels stinks like...er...crap. oh and insomnia! I'm losing it and i'm fed up! 

Personally, what worried me, was i've been through rougher days than this, i think the truth is i think too much, like i'm doing now...thinking thinking thinking. I think i've supressed the problems too much and i just exploded...again thinking.

so excuse me but arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhh

today is my birthday, however  i was born after 12pm which exempts me from being an April Fool! I was born 11:46 pm so techically i am still 23, not 24, although i prefer 24 cos i'm not keen on odd numbers, and 24 sounds cool...yeah...i'm 24...a real woman now, don't ID me...actually please do, as you think i look young...yeah! I think i will go shopping, i need slippers and CDs and erhem the sims 2 bon voyage and freetime to keep me busy for a while. Although the sims 3 is coming out next year, i dunno if i should just stop buying and wait for 3, it sounds awesome, god knows what sims 4,5,6,7,8,9 be like lol (yeah) Then i might go to the cinema, i might see one of my friends, she's got me a present so that would be nice!

I think i try and sleep again now!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i go on i do zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz