Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Blogs.

hey i dont know who runs the site but i tried contacting through email but wasnt sure if it went through or not so i just decided to make it a blog.

Every time i log in it says my pass word is incorrect and i've never had trouble like this before and they keep having to send me a new one, which is a pain cause its time consuming every time i just wanna quickly log on to the the site.

would be a lot easier to just create my own pass word cause i cant remember just a bunch of letters and numbers

Haha. Mellenium said i should blog that i finally have a job.....its been a long struggle but im way psyched. huge load off my back lol. so that all i had to say on my blog haha.

Ive had no freaken job for a good month now and its very frustrating so I am now just venting haha. I've had a couple interviews and still filling out applications but basically now I'm just waiting to hear back from interviews. but meanwhile....money is going right down the drain cause of course bills never stop coming in the mail lol. so i suppose maybe im writing this in hopes that people will cross their fingers for me cause when i get a job i will be soooo much happier haha.

Anxiety is majorly kicking me in the @$$ right now. Im at a real low point in my life right now. I dont know, I think I really need support. Im getting anxiety spells so bad that its making me depressed now. Im so sick of constantly struggling with this issue and never getting better. Im convinced that Im gonna be cursed with this anxiety thing my whole life. Its really starting to get to me. You guys see that ad for Gabatrol on the site? I was wondering if anyone has tried it cause im curious to see if it works. 

When i get the slightest bit nervous or anxious my hands get really cold and sweaty and its sooo embarssing and makes me feel very self conscious. For example yesterday i went to the mall with a friend to Dillards. My friends used to work there and so he knew everyone in the store and i was being introduced to all these people...and my hands were cold and sweaty and i felt like people were thinkin...damn this kid has no confidence. Its like shakin hands with a corpse. God i hate it! lol. sounds retarted but it really is just so embarassing. This is what i have to go through every friggen day of my life...just part of my anxiety. Belive it or not i researched this problem on the net and found a surgeon in texas that specifically cures the problem of people who get cold sweaty hands which 95 % of the time is caused by anxiety. only thing is the procedure costs like 6000 bucks! if i had the money id get it done though haha cause shaking hands with someone who has cold and clamy hands leaves a very bad first impression in my opinion and is especially bad if your goin for an interview....totally blows. but i know its totally related to my anxiety cause i kid you not, the second i walked out of the mall my hands dried right up and were nice and warm again. lol so yeah i kinda hope im not alone with this really embarassing epidemic.

this morning at work was awful and really good at the same time if that makes any sense. I started taking lexapro and it has dramatically improved my mood making me very happy and full of energy. But, yet im still feeling very anxious in social situations. So, my boss walks up to me this morning. ( the really high up boss haha) and asks me if i want to attend an insurance benefits meeting for my shift in a week. i was looking him right in the eye trying to appear as confident as possible but inside i was feeling tremendously anxious at the thought of even having to have a conversation with him. I feel like he knows that I get uncomfortable when I talk to him even though I always smile and act friendly. i think the most horrible part of the whole SA thing is that I'm really not a shy person at all. There's tons of things I wanna say, or voice my opinion on in conversations, but its like this monster is inside me just robbing me of all my confidence and leaving me with this very jittery anxious feeling where my throat closes up, gets all dry, eyes get dry and irritated, hearts beating, hands sweat, and i sometimes feel like just talking to someone im gonna cry as pathetic as it sounds. but, its not because im sad or anything, its just the overwhelming anxiety. Its really just a very frustrating this to have to go through all the time when I know that the real me or (my real personality) is confident, opinionated, talkative, outgoing. it just cant come out because of these weird anxiety symptoms that i seem to have no control of no matter how much i try to get a grip on myself. unless i had a few drinks haha. i'm not an alcoholic lol, although i worry sometimes that i could lead myself to that path even though I know its medically very bad for me. i've seen severe alcoholic patients and it does so much crap to your body. not good. so today i have my psychiatry appointment which im looking forward too cause ill be pleased to tell my doc how much the lexapro is improving my mood...its amazing for depression. but i gotta tell him that so far its doing zilch for my anxiety. so maybe he'll increase the dose to two times a day. cause this med. is supposed to be amazing for anxiety as well. currently 46,000 americans are taking this one drug alone. thats how popular it is. i really really hope this will be the one with the magic cure haha. but ive had a lot of dissapointments over the years so sometimes i wonder if ill ever feel the true relief that i really want and deserve like the rest of you. ill let everyone know how my psych appointment goes today. wish me luck! oh, and i just wanna say thank you to you all out there that write these blogs cause its so comforting and inspires me even more to want to overcome this horrible thing. i hope we all can so someday we can show everyone the confident people we really are inside!