I was talking to a friend and used this quote as a joking reference. It had some truth to it, but i don't really agree with it. It bothers me.

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln.

The only way to improve ourselves is to speak out even it clashes with another viewpoint and even it may make you seem a little dense. For in our mistakes we find the most strength and change. I refuse to think any different because i know it is true. I have lived it, i have felt it and i have seen how it works.

If it is pertaining to someone being bigger than their britches, then yes, it is better to refrain from speaking if you are just talking for the sake of talking and don't really have a clue on the subject matter. Though, it's not very clear what this quote is really pertaining to.

That's all.

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He's not doing so well. I see no progress, but i'm hoping for the best and taking it one day at a time. If i assume the worst,  i will get really sick from worry.  The new vet said that i may have no given the antibiotics enough time to kick in for him as some cats take a while to recover with them. He has a severe URI so it makes sense that it wouild take a while. The other vet said that he needed a full blood panel and UTI test at the very least and straight away. :( That is 500 plus what i don't have. even if it was done at a cheaper place, it would be 300 or more which i don't have :( I'm hoping to god that the antibiotics kick in. He is still not eating , but i was given Nutrical which is a gooky substance that comes in a tube and i force it into his mouth for nutrients. the pill is actually much easier to give him. I just open his mouth and keep uit shut till he swallows, this stuff is god awful messy and he requires at least a tblspn per day. *sigh* Good thoughts, happy thoughts! *rabbits in a meadow of springflowers on a cool spring day..... chocolate on my period... there, much better lol

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that mean a lot. I'm on one vicodin right now and i haven't taken one for my back in a very long time. I had a long day yesterday lugging kato around and sitting and standing non stop. It was a fun day though. Eric took me to get kato seen by a popular vet who is really cheap and it turned out to be teh setting for one of my biggest social feats ( small to a regular person, but you know how that goes ) I struck up convos with other pet owners and they did me. Me and eric were joking non stop and i was having a lot of fun. The 1 hour wait went by fast and when we got there at first it was near lunchtime so i suspected there'ed be a wait but it was 2 hours! so we passed teh time trying to find a shady spot for us and kato somewhere to eat and found a meditarranean place ( love greek food) and i snuck kato inside underneath one of the tables while we ordered. lol We just hung out and talked and i began to notice that i still liked eric ( that's a whole different story though)The whole day yesreday i did more talking than i have in a long time and i was so happy i finally got out again and made actual succeeded attempts. Littel feats make big changes in my self confidence. :) Hopefully i can carry this to the next job i interview or the next person i try to befriend. There's always a hop in my step after a good day, i'm sure you can relate...you know, you hold your head a lil higher and suddenly hope is much more attainable. :) alas, its only a temporary euphoria, but it doesnt have to be if you keep it up! I am going to try. Anyway, so after all the pet hoopla, we went back to his place b/c he mentioned his kitty and i wanted to meet her. He showed me around his awesome house. It's so big and old ( 100 yrs) and he lives alone in it. I love old houses, the way the wood creaks and the different sounds they make. I'd love to live in a house like that. He showed me the attic lol Interesting and creepy , but cool at teh same time b/c of the old parts in it like this humungous fan built into teh structure itself.Oh and he has an all black beautiful kitty. She was so calm and the polar opposite of both my kitties. I loved her.

THEN lol on the way back to my place, he was running out of gas.... we had stopped at a gas station and he never got gas ! See, he has this problem with his gas light where it lieks to stay on all the time and a logical person, youd think, would keep it filled up as much as possible if you never know when teh hell you have enough gas. I was joking about it with him. People amaze me at how smart they can be just as much as how oblivious lol He is that smart yet oblivious type. Can you guess what happen? lol Yep, stalled right at the intersection a mile or so from my place and it was HOT out. We ended up waiting for the traffic to stop and pushed the car across to a spot that was safe, laughing and embarrased with a cat meowing in the background lol   Then he called his friend who just happened to get off work a mile from us and he picked up our stranded souls. And that is how i met his good friend Chris lol He dropped me off and took eric to get his car. I had major SA in the car, so i giggled a lot at whatever was funnty... its what i do , its my nervous tick at times and i hate it lol I'm sure you gals can relate, eh? My SA is so much kless prevalent when one on one. Add just one person and it exacerbates ten fold :( one more after that and i'm practically mute, especially if their is a lot of laughinga nd comraderie going on. I know part of this is directly coorelated to being ridiculed as a teen and i didn't have a very supportive family atmosphere. i pretty much know what causes my SA, its taking teh steps to fix it and feeling like i can that is the hardest part.  Anyway, it was such a good day and the happy feeling lingered throughout the night :) I was invited to a football game but my back wouldnt be able to stand teh bleachers nor would my brain stand football lol My ADD is way too strong to be sitting around watching men throw a ball and tumble eachother. Socerr , basketball and hickey are teh only sports that can keep up with my ADD. I wish it had been one of those.

So, i'm taking baby steps to healing myself once again. You f all you get back up, you get depressed, you get over it. You think your world is going to end or you don't deserve to be in it and then something nice happens. Its' refreshing ....the air is more breathable, your scenses more heightened, the sun light more pretty, the humidity doesnt bother me as much and the heat is like a warm hug. It's like coming out of the flu. :) I appreciate my health and everytime i feel this way i want to help others which reminds me why i wanted to go into health and contribute something to making people better, even if its such a small part, i am happy i do it. No one should suffer, life is too short for anyone to suffer or feel sorry for themselves. Never take for granted what you have. If you catch yourself, kick the @$$ of your brain.

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I don't even have much energy to type this. I talked to my vet and she said that if kato isn't responding to the best antibiotic they have, then he may be really sick with some kind of fungal virus or even cancer. He need diagnostic testing that i cant afford. She recomended a few places that are govt funded but one so far that i found out doesn't have the diagnostics needed for him. I don't even know what kind of testing he needs, i have to call back i guess. She suspects something bad is going on in his sinus's beyond any meds capability of helping. He wont even eat tuna, his favorite thing....due to not being able to smell. Hopefully i will find a place that can help him and soon or he will starve. He ate nothing today and drank some water., but only b/c i kept putting him in front of his bowl. I am so beyond worried and stressed.

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More than i could handle when i took in these cats. Kato is apparently very sick, he stopped eating much before he went on antibiotics, he is very conjested and now he wont eat but one bite before he walks away from his favorite canned foods and dry. I've tried two so far and then i tried milk, but the milk he'll only take a few licks of. I don't think he can smell anything and he will go through intervals of hissing and growling at me to just rubbing up against meand meowing. His meow sounds more hoarse and he's just lethargic. I can't afford to buy any more meds and my account is already overdrawn. I'm usually so good with expenses, but since i spent that mother load of 500 bucks plus on Kato i guess i lost track of how much i really had. I only have cash and i think 20 at most. I will have more in September but not nearly enough b/c i'll also be deducted my negative amount. I can't stop crying about kato and now this whole flood warning from fay has got me worried. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to give up kato for something i bet they could fix, they'll just put him to sleep if i give him over to anyone or hell be miserable in a no kill shelter, if they even take him. The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do, i wish i wasn't alone in all this. My mom refuses to help me any longer regarding any finances supporting my cats. I love Kato, this is such a horrible feeling. i can't stop crying and i need to compose myself and get things done so i can have my interview at 8:30 am tomorrow. I'm barely trained to get up that early since i've been sleeping in so much, through no fault but my own. I'm exhausted and sometimes so exhausted i cant sleep or i wake up all the time in the middle of the night. Kato meows like he wants something, i know he's hungry , but everything i put in his face he wont eat and i try to force feed him, he hisses at me. I will have to buy tuna with the cash i have left and if that doesn't do it, he will starve himself to death. I don't know if i should keep giving him the antibiotics and i cant go to the store or call the vet b/c of this storm and all this flooding supposedly coming my way. The vet is no help anyway, they keep telling me what he's doing is rare and to play trial and error with the meds. They have sucked me dry financially only to have nothing come from it.  I don't even think they're open. I can't begin to explain how overwhelmed, stressed and depressed i feel. I really hope i don't lose power. It doesn't take much to cut it.  Strong gusts of 45 mph winds have done it. *sigh* :(

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Has anyone ever gotten this?  Jeez, now compy wants me to get a life. lol

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All you workout connoisseurs out there. I need help to make this bland smoothie, something jam packed with nutrition and lots of energy power for a good workout. I don't want to rely on coffee to give me that kind of boost anymore as it's just damn unhealthy.

This is what i have so far:  Bananna, lil over half a cup of mixed frozen berries, lil over 1/4 cup ice cubes, lil over 1/4 cup 2% greek yogurt, 1 packet of Stevia. Should i get the protein powder and if so, what kind and how much is appropriate for a woman? Thanks in advance! :)

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I really really really hate when i get this way. i get sensitive confused and desheveled that time of the month and it's so unstoppable. I get that way other times, but not nearly as bad. :( Anything that may hurt me will hurt me ten fold. I should try some freak'n midol or that herb they say helps or primrose oil. I'm not myself and i feel like i just want to be held, you know that craving to just be cradled or caressed to sleep. I miss that. Not just by anyone, but someone who cared and i knew cared. It's not the same without that element. I hate that i feel the need for it. That all consuming feeling of neediness. :( I think it's my worst weakness. Maybe i seriously wasn't cradled enough when distraught as a child.

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I had the most vivid, amazing dream last night. I cannot begin to put into words how beautiful and realistic it was. I was witnessing an eclipse of some sort, only this kind entailed about 7 moons forming a symmetrical alignment. It all happened so fast when i was talking with a friend. We saw a peculiar bright light creep through the sunlight above my door. I could only see bits and pieces, but ran to the other window to see the rest. I only caught it for a matter of seconds before it was done, but it was seriously breathtaking. I wanted to cry it hit me so hard. I know this sounds rediculous lol It's kind of like the boy's response to the plastic bag 'dancing' through the air, in American Beauty. (The spoof on that scene in Scary Movie just popped into my head lol ) Only i think this may be a bit more warranteed for an emotional response lol Its all fine for a dancing bag, it's beautiful in its own way,  but this was gut wrenchingly gorgeous.

I can't get it out of my head, the immensity of the color and brightness. It was like a clash of burnt orange yellow and blackness hovering over it, ever so slowly hiding the magnificent scene. *sigh* lol

Anyway, the fact that it was comprised of about 7 suns may give leeway to the fact that i'm watching a little too many episodes of Dr. Who in one sitting lol  I love that show so far. Actually, i didn't love the first season, but when the new guy came to town, i was hooked. He has a much more alluring personality. The other guy was entertaining enough, but this actor is much more engaging. I think the other actor played too much of a rambunctious character for the part. He kept reminding me of someone in Boondock Saints. Was he in it? Also, i think the writing for the show drastically changed for the better. It seems more "Magical" and creative this time around.

I'm going completely off topic now. Just thought i'd share my little dream. I hope to have more like it as it's not often i witness things of that nature. I think i'll watch more scifi to bring it out lol I'm starting to appreciate scifi alot more (when there is decent acting involved) I can't stand most scifi shows. They overdo things too much or they over do the wrong things or they under do things. This show is entertaining on my level of comedy and scifi (although sometimes it goes overboard) without being overly dramatic or dull. The eye candy and special effects help, along with the fact that it's all based on time travel and they bring interesting slices of history into the mix. Every few episodes, they have a really unique way of engaging the audience and It's not all space, laser beams and googleyheads. :)

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