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I'm not sure how this happened because i don't belong to other chat sites apart from facebook which is a load of rubbish, but this russian woman somehow got my e-mail address and sends me long letters everyday and calls herself my russian girlfriend. She is very pretty if the picture is hers. I reply to her messages because i'm not the type of person to be rude to others especially if they are being friendly. 

I'm having some moral dilemmas at the moment cos i've met this woman i dated a long time ago but i sabotaged the relationship and it ended very quickly. Now i have re-aquainted with her and i can't get her out of my mind. She seems to like me in a similar way, unless i'm just very naive. The problem is that she has been going out with someone for 7 years and is living with him. I don't seem to care about him, it's not that i'm an insensitive person but as long as i don't know a person i battle to care about them. It's quite strange cos i do care deeply for people i know but when things happen to people i don't know personally it doesn't bother me. I might be wrong and maybe she doesn't like me in the same way, but maybe it's better to be in love with somebody even if it's not mutual than to not have strong feelings for anybody.

I'm just ruminating about challenges i havent faced, it's like when you are in school and you have to do an oral and hoping you will not get picked but in the end everybody has to have their turn. This might sound a bit hectic but i always hoped the world would end or i would die so that i could get out of living my life but i'm 37 and still here. I feel a lot of the time like i have missed the boat and everybody i know has grown up and left me behind. I think God is the only one who can save me.