i have decided that s a sucks. having it has made it to where i cannot hold a conversation with others i have anxiety attacks in large groups. in sertan situations i will panic.  here lately i have been having trouble on top of everything hearing voices and seeing people. i black out sometimes too. all i know is that all of thesse problems suck big ones.

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I spent last night in the hospital. i've been in a lot of pain and didn't know why,come to find out that my gallbladder is not working at all. now i have to have surgery on monday. good news is i'll feel better later but the bad news is i'm losing a part of me, lol.

sometimes i think that the hospitals just want money from you. the other night while i was in the er they said that i was dehydrated. the stupid one that i am thought that i would get lots of fluids in the iv.  no i was wrong they only gave me a half a bag and sent me on my way with out knowing what was going on. ooopppssii!

now i'm back to the top and my doc knows wats wrong so we can fix me.  can't wait till monday. 

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this last weekend was pretty sucky. i was sick and had to go to the er. i hate going to the hospital. on top of that my best bud is in the hospital again. just got her daughter out of there. i hope that what ever is going around will get the hell out of here.

my husband dragged me to a christmas pagent yesterday and i was still felling bad . what part of i'm fluffing sick does he not understand. i hate sounding bitchy. i also wanted to put up the tree but that didn't get done either. this sucks big ones.

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while shopping on ebay the other day i found that you can actually buy custom coffins. thats right for your convenience and barual plesure shop at home. i have some questions about this.

1 where do you ship it to? wouldnt it look suspisious if one landed on your doostep.

2 what if it goes to the wrong home? you'd think wtf the mafia is coming for me finally.

and on another note my best friend's mom, i think should actully buy one or two. for crying out loud, the woman has two dead pets in her freezer,toto the dog and lucy the cat. kinda wrong huh? what ever happened to the old way of putting things in a shoe box  and buirring them. now the new way is to buy a coffin off ebay, done the easy way.

like i said not only can you buy one for yourself, family, annoying neighbor, but you can get one for your pet too. how special.

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i have been having alot of trouble latley with my depression and sa. i don't want to leave my house and get out of bed in the morning. all i do is cry and i've become and emotional wreck. my husband doesn't understand any of this that is going on. sometimes i wish that i weren't alive. then after i think about it.. i reallize i still have alot of things left to to here so i cant go nowhere.

last night i crawlled into bed with a teddy bear and cried untill i fell asleep.  i have been having panic attacks alot this week also.  i had a bad one when a person on this site really made me afraid. then i had one when a customer tried to have a conversation with me. i have no clue what i'm going to do with my self. i just feel like shit.

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i've just been feeling really lonely lately. my husband has been out on the road a lot because he is  truck driver. i hardly ever get to see him and when i do we argue sometimes. and at other times it is really great. it not only feeling this way about him its in a lot of situations. i can be in a crowded place like work or something and still feel all alone. its just weird and i get tired of it.

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