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I'm pissed off.. sick of my life.. want to change but don't know how.  Seems like its getting worse and worse... and this stupid site is not making it any better.  Only making me realize how bad it really is.  If there is anyone out there that would like to talk... pleeease... I really need people to talk to.  I have no friends, no one.  If there is anyone from Wisconsin, even better.  All the people on this site seem to be from either California, Florida or the UK.  I HAVE NO ONE.  NOBODY CARES.. I do not want to get any responses like "hang in there you can do it" because that won't do anything for me right now.  If you are from my area and are interested in talking sometime, let me know.  Otherwise, $&#^% it.

I've been pretty bummed lately and I can't seem to get out of it... It seems like ever since I found out that I have SA (not too long ago) I have been more anxious then usual.  Now I know that I have a "disorder" and I'm not "normal".  And I also feel like I am much more aware of how anti-social I am.  Like before I knew what it was, I didn't think about it, because it was just the way I am.  But now that I know its SA, its constantly on my mind and its bothering me a lot more.  I really want to go see a counselor or go to group therapy or something.... but I don't have health insurance for that.  And since I have no friends, there's no one to talk to..... coming on this website is nice but its not helping enough.  Its just been very rough for me lately.... I don't have depression but I have just been very sad...  I thought I would feel a lot better once I knew what it was... but I guess not.  Being diagnosed made the symptoms increase, I feel like I am more social phobic then ever.  I was just wondering if anyone else felt this way right after being diagnosed?  Or is it just me?     OH ... and to make it worse... I work with people with disabilities, and the pills used to treat SA are some of the same ones that they take!!!  I'm not that bad!!! Or am I???  What the hell is going on....

I just realized a few weeks ago that I have SA... since then I've been finding out more and more about it, and all of these things that I thought were just "how I am" are now symptoms of SA.  I have never been able to have friends.  I am sooo envious of those people that can just walk into a room and make friends.  Now that I know what it is... I realize all these things.  Like, how in grade school I would always be standing outside at recess by myself, and I was completely fine with it, I preferred it to be that way.  Or how in high school, I would rather just go home and sit in my bedroom by myself then go out with friends on the weekend.  Or how in college I met so many people, and it seemed like they liked me... but I couldn't ever get any "real" friends.  And, I've always felt like if someone gives me a compliment... its because they want something from me or they feel bad for me.  Today, I am living on my own in a small apartment.  I sit at home by myself every night.  I have nobody to talk to, except if I am at work.  Otherwise, I am by myself.  I want to get out and meet people.  But, how?  And meeting guys... that will never happen.  I wish it would though... :-(   I just feel all alone in the world, like no one is there.  I have no one.  I have a lot to offer and I am a good person... but no one knows that.  I haven't told my family yet.  The worst thing for me is talking to strangers... when a complete stranger says "Hi", it freaks me out soooo much.  I don't know what to say, I have to think of something or else I will seem rude.  And if I am somewhere out in public... I act like I am not really there, and just going through the motions....  AHHH I hate having SA.  Help!