I don't know about writing in such a public blog. But everywhere else all my real life friends would end up reading it and such so I guess I'll write it here and hope it relieves some emotions.
In a nut shell. I'm miserable and I don't understand why. I've got a beautiful son, I'm making friends for the first time at work and getting out the house and a partner that loves me. I think the confusion starts there, she loves me but I'm not sure if I love her back.
When I first met her I knew she was an untidy person, but she was a teenager and teenagers are messy at times. But we've been living together now for over a year and the mess just continues. I could clean the house from top to bottom one day and within two days it would be a mess again. There are wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa, clothes everywhere. It looks like a dump. I work 7 hour days and travel for another 3 when i get in the last thing i need is to start cleaning. I'm exhausted.
I've been thinking about leaving alot recently. I just don't have the money to do so. I could always move back with my parents, but there are many down sides to that. The only option I really have is trying to find housing from the council, which is what i wanted to do before moving here anyway.
But everything I do makes me sad. Last night I had band practice something that i've wanted to do for many years and I had a great time. But today I feel like really sad about it. I can't really explain how i feel about anything really. All I know is that I'm just very sad and really really scared.
Steve
xxxxx
