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I haven't written in a while. I haven't really been feeling well, I've been sick for the last week. I also had to take Peanut to the Vet because she had something wrong with her eye. I went to her regular Vet first and they referred me to an Ophthalmologist. Well, 450 bucks and five medications later I have a very unhappy kitty. They gave me two eye drops and two ointments for her eye and a lysine supplement. Needless to say, and I'm sure you can understand, she hates it. Whenever she sees me get up or come near her she runs away. =(

School starts on the 25th and I'm having a lot of anxiety about it. I'm not sure I'm ready for it...and usually if I'm not ready for something I fail miserably. I have to take a full load of classes(12 credits) for financial aid to help me out. I'm taking:

 

I haven't actually been in school full time since the fall semester of '06...and there are many reasons why....mainly my S.A.

I started college in Fall '05 when I was actually feeling really good about myself. I had lost 60 pounds and I was ready to learn. I tried to get into the Vet Tech program but my High School Chemistry grade wasn't good enough. Then we realized my high school math grade wasn't good enough to get into the Chemistry class! Ok, fine. So I took the math class along with a few other classes and I did really well. I pulled a 3.6 GPA my first semester in college. Now for the Spring '06 semester I took my chemistry class. I thought everything would go ok but...it didn't. My chemistry class was in the science building and in the science building they have really small seats...heh. For a normal person that might be ok but..um...I'm not skinny...not even close. So I had lots of trouble fitting in the seats. I got lucky the first day because there was a regular desk in the classroom, so I used that one. Unfortunately others decided they liked that desk too and the next day it ended up not in the spot I left it......so...in front of the whole class of mostly kids who just came out of high school, I had to move that desk all the way across the room because I couldn't sit in the other desk. Well, this was just to embarrassing for me so I dropped the class. Shortly after that I dropped one of my other classes too. Fast forward to Fall '06, I took Chemistry again....and again I couldn't fit...and again, I just couldn't handle it so I dropped out once more. From that point on I was depressed so I didn't sign up for classes in Spring '07. I did manage to get Chemistry out of the way this summer only because the class was held in a different building and they had to good seats that fat people like me can fit in. I passed the class with a B+.

Then came Pittsburgh. Ah, Pittsburgh. I'll save that story for another blog entry.

Well, here we are now. I couldn't enroll in the Vet Tech program because it's mid year and they have no openings. So, I'm finishing up a few more classes that I'll need as pre-reqs anyway and hopefully I'll get in for the fall semester. Yea, anyway.....I'm nervous about this semester....I hope i can handle it....

Pickles. =/

Well, I went to Mikes house tonight. When I got there it was cute because his mom had made some coffee and she picked up two small pastry's from the bakery for my birthday. After we finished dessert I opened up gifts.

Now, heres the thing. Michael got me this very pretty, very delicate gold chain and attached was a locket. On the outside of the locket it says.....

"Forever in my Heart" with a pretty rose. The inside says "When someone you love becomes a memory the memory becomes a treasure."

I thought it sounded a little like something you'd give to someone who was grieving and then they'd put a picture of the deceased person in there, right?....heh. Well I just got home and put it into google and sure enough....it is. =/ It literally says on one of the websites.... "This locket is for someone that wants memories of a loved one that has passed on."

I love Michael with all my heart and more but....wtf??? Really, WTF!!

Here is the thing. His Grandmother orders things from catalogs all the time. I mean, this women has closets full of stuff she ordered. Well, because of this when someones birthday or Christmas comes around she says "Oh, maybe Jen might like this." I have at least 3 things that he's given me for my birthday, Christmas or an anniversary that came from her.

Now, it's the thought that counts right? I completely agree, but what kind of thought did he really put into this gift? It's not even something you'd give your significant other. It's for someone who is grieving!

Money doesn't matter to me. He could have spent 5 bucks on me and I'd be happy. All I want is to know that he took some time-with me in mind, and looked around a store(not his grandmas house)and said "ya know what, I think Jen would really like this."

So, now this is my dilemma. What do I do? Do I tell him? Should I be angry? because I think I am....

Help! Ladies, if you're reading this let me know! Tell me if I'm justified in feeling the way I do. Even you Men, maybe you can tell me what he was thinking...and what I should do. I don't want to hurt his feelings...but at the same time mine are kinda hurt at the total lack of thought that went into this...heh

 

 

 

Yea, so..... my brother didn't even call me. I thought that maybe Mike would be able to pull himself away from his work for like an hour ....but...nope. I'm just not important enough so I'll just go and drown my sorrows in some wine. yay.

Well.  It's my birthday.  B A H!  I'm actually not all that stoked at turning 26.  Maybe I would be if it was actually going to be a special day.  As it stands now my uncle won't be here because he has a date.  My brother has football(he plays with his friends and then later they go and watch the game at the bar) and of course Mike won't be here because he has studying to do for finals.  I've been with Mike on my birthday for the last 6 years....possibly 7.   I actually wanted to get out and do something with him.  A movie, maybe get some drinks.....then come back here and have dinner with my family.  Oh well. 

So, it's just going to be an ordinary day.... 

Can't sleep but I need to sleep. I told my mom I'd take her to get some stuff for the house tomorrow. We just finished getting our floors done so we're getting a new couch. *sigh* It's 4am and I should get up at around 11am. I need a minimum of 8-10 hours of sleep to really feel rested, otherwise I don't want to do anything =/

Eh, well my boyfriend won't be here for my birthday.  I'm disappointed.....possibly a tad mad....maybe.  I understand he has finals and things going on but....I'd try and make the time if it was his birthday...I always do... =(

I had a dream that I was preggers and Mike was sitting next to me rubbing my belly.  So, I just realized that maybe that's why I sleep so much...because my dreams are so much better then my reality. 

Our friends had a baby girl in March '07 and I can't tell you how envious I am.  I always wanted to be a young mother, mainly because my mom wasn't and I feel like I was robbed of some things as a child.  I always said 25 is the latest I want kiddos and here I am now, turning 26 on Sunday.  Mike wants to wait until he's done with school, which won't be until I'm in my early to mid 30's.  How ######## suckey is that??  That's exactly what I didn't want.  Granted, right now is definitely not the time and that I can understand, but, why not in 2 years?  3 years?  The funny thing is when we're at family get togethers people are always like "Wow, you've been together 7 years?  Where's the ring Mike??"  No one agrees with his plan.  They all think we should be married already.  Oh and ya know, it would be nice to be married for a year or two before we have kids but then it won't happen until I'm 35/36/37!!  Damnit, that makes me so sad.  =(

I can't help but dwell on the fact that maybe if I didn't have SA I'd have been done with college by now, started with my career and saving money for a house and a wedding....but no...I have to be ######## broken. 

I'm a blogger! Blog Blog Blog Blog!  I know.  I'm a dork.

Anyway, I've gotten such a warm welcome since I joined.  Thanks so much to everyone who sent me nice comments.  =)