Try sporcle.com/games

They have all sorts of trivia quizzes like countries by continent, U.S. presidents, Shakespeare plays, Tom Hanks movies, periodic table, pokemon characters, and too many more to mention.  Check it out.  

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Ok. This weekend I went on a day trip with my brother, his girlfriend and a bunch of his friends. 12 people in all.

The important detail to include is that my brother's gf wants to set me up with someone in the worst way. I think she wants it so bad she can taste it. She set me up with one of her sister's friends a while back and we hit it off over the phone and went out on a date. There wasn't any chemistry, but she really liked me and kept telling everyone how nice I was. So my brother's gf is even more dedicated to getting me hooked up with someone. This is nice of her, but on this day it was really annoying.

So we went up to a local town on the Mississippi river to this winery's retail outlet on Saturday. It's more like a bar really. You can buy and take out, or drink it on the premises. It's an old single story limestone block building, about 500 square feet, with a full walk out basement. If you look out the back across the concrete patio, the Mississippi river is right there. And there is a wooden deck on the side of the building, usually with some guy playing music. It's all done up in a very tasteful and rustic way.

So we settle in at the big table on the patio after buying about 8 bottles of wine. We break out the cheese, crackers, and assorted other food. They don't sell food so they don't care what you bring as long as you get all your drinks there.

After we've been there a couple of hours, my brother's girlfriend and someone else go back into the building for another bottle or two of wine. When they come out she tells me I just have to go back into the building and buy a bottle of beer or something. I know something is up and she wants me to walk in and see what it is. She's insistent so in I go.

I walk in and up the stairs to where the coolers are and where you pay. And there stands all the members of a bachlorette party sampling wines to pick which ones they want to drink. They are pretty good looking and all look to be in their mid to early 20's. So I pull a bottle of beer out of the cooler, pay for it, and go back out.

I get outside and she asks me what I think and did I talk to them. I told her I didn't say a word to them. I'm 39. The women on the bachlorette outing were all in their 20's. I really didn't think any would be interested and I didn't feel like making a fool out of myself. Besides, even if they had been closer to my age and obviously interested, I probably couldn't have strung a complete sentence together. We all know how that impresses people.

A little more time goes by, probably a half an hour. All of a sudden my brother's gf comes out with this bottle of wine. She's gone in and asked the salesperson what the bachelorettes are drinking and bought a bottle. She hands me the bottle and says, "here, go up there and give them this bottle and introduce yourself". I tell her no way and stand pat. She takes the bottle and walks it over to the bachlorette party and tells them it's compliments of that guy and points to me. They all turn and look and in unison wave and say "thank you!". I look, smile, and wave, not wanting to be a jerk about it.

I think it's over and that's that. Well she keeps nagging me about going over and saying hi. I keep refusing and just sit with our group and continue to have a good time. So we're getting ready to leave and as we're walking to the car, she goes over to them again. I ignore and don't even look to see what she's doing. Then as I'm walking up to the car I hear them hooting. When I get to the car she tells me that she pointed at me telling them "If you want to be the next one to wear the sash, that's Dr. XXXXXXX. He's single and looking". The sash being what the bride was wearing IDing her as the bride.

At this point I'm ready to crawl under the nearest rock. I'm not a Dr. and I'm not interested in embarrassing myself chasing after a bunch of 26 year old bridesmaids. Not that I would chase after a bunch of 36 year old bridesmaids either. It's all I can do to continue to talk to the people I already know let alone complete strangers I know nothing about.

Sorry about the long story, but I thought it was funny and wanted to share. I think my brother's gf is really nice for wanting to get me laid/hooked up/married/whatever, but I wish she wouldn't try things like this. Maybe next time I'll post about the lesbian she tried to set me up with.

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I saw a man chasing the horizon;

Round and round they sped.

I was disturbed at this;

I accosted the man.

"It is futile," I said,

"You can never---"

"You lie," he cried,

And ran on.

--Stephen Crane

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This is an animated "Cyanide and Happiness" (very short) short.  And the humor is somewhat sophomoric and R-rated.  But it's soooo funny.  

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Lately I'm just freaking out about losing my job.  I'm an accountant but not a particularly good one.  I seem to have attention, memory, and concentration problems that really weren't apparent when I was in school learning this stuff.  I made A's in all classes but one.  And I passed the CPA exam the first time.  That's something that only about 12% of people who take it can say.  It seems I can remember the material for a test, but I can't internalize it and use in daily activities. 

I always knew I wasn't the best with detail, but I was always able to test well in school and get things done well when I wanted to.  Somehow those abilities fail me in real life.  I'm not sure if it's anxiety or some other problem like some learning disability or ADD that's the problem.  I don't know.

I know anxiety is part of the problem.  I hesitate to ask questions, point out problems, or change anything.  My anxiety goes into overdrive when I have to do anything out of the ordinary. 

I also have problems with memory and cognition more and more as time goes on.  I make stupid errors and typos all the time on work I turn in to my boss.  I can't seem to master some of the basic skills for my job.  Work that should be routine regularly requires that I look back at notes or work out all over again how I need to do things.  

Anyway, I just hope I don't get fired.  Because I don't know how I'd find another job after failing at this one.  And if I did manage to find a new job, I know it wouldn't pay nearly as well at this one.  

The worst thing about all this is that my boss has consistently given me at least o.k. to good evaluations.  The most negative comment I ever received was about 1.5 years ago (we have annual reviews in June).  It was that she would like it if my work was more consistent.  Hell, I'd really like that too.  Then I wouldn't freak out every time I made some mistake at work and think it might be the metaphorical last straw on the camel's back that would get me fired.  

You would think that if you have good reviews, you would at least have enough work to do everyday that you didn't have to sit and dream up makework.  Or that you would be trusted with new or more important tasks.  I'm not.  It seems like every year I have slightly less and less to do.  

I don't know.  Am I seeing things that aren't there?  Or is there something to this?  I really don't have anyone I feel I can talk to this about except my therapist.  I've had four sessions with him so far.  It was starting to help to relieve some of the stress but last week we couldn't work out a time and this week it snowed and next week he doesn't have any openings.  

Also, I'm having a hard time finding a psychiatrist.  It seems like all the ones on my company's plan either have disconnected phones or don't answer their messages.  Also, there aren't very many.  It's about 80% LCSWs and other non-MD therapists.  So no meds.  And LD and ADD testing will probably be impossible to get too. 

Tonight my anxiety level is going throught he roof and I'm just absolutely convinced I'll get a phone call sometime this weekend or next week telling me not to show up for work and I'd be able to collect the personal contents of my cube at the front desk.  I even straightened up a bit and cleaned up some of the old post-it notes I had lying around so it wouldn't be as messy when they came to box everything up. 

They seem to handle a lot of dismissals in kind of an anxiety provoking way.  If someone is let go, all of a sudden you just find out they've "decided to seek other opportunities" and an e-mail saying just that is sent out to the whole organization. 

It's almost Stalinesque, except no-one ends up in Siberia or dies of a "brain hemorrhage" in Lubyanka.   Since I'm not tuned into any of the social networks, nothing is mostly all I ever know.  So I don't have any basis for judging how close I am to a similar fate other than observation of what these people were doing before they were let go.  It's not like I ever heard other people complaining about how lazy or incompetent the "other opportunities" people were.  So I see them doing their jobs and all of a sudden they're gone.  And I never hear anything definitive as to why.  So then I'm freaked out.  

I'm not even sure anymore that if I felt good about the job I did, I wouldn't worry about this.   

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