My doctor has finally realised that there is a problem with me and has arranged for me to see a psychologist (or psychiatrist, he mentioned both during the appointment but I was too nervous to ask which it was). 

Can anyone tell me what happened the first time you saw a psychologist so I know what kind of thing to expect?

I am really nervous about it, but somehow I think I will find it easier to explain my problems to them rather than a GP since they will have more knowledge about SA. 

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Just got back from the new doctor, he was a LOT more helpful than the last one. He actually seemed interested and didn't try to brush me off with self help books etc. I told him about the support group not existing any more and he crossed it out of the book so hopefully no-one else will have to deal with that

Anyway, the outcome of it was he said I had anxiety and depression, and that I have to go and see him once a month for at least 6 months. He also prescribed me Citalopram (Celexa) and I even managed to go and collect them from the pharmacy myself (after some psyching up )

I hope I can talk to him about CBT next time, but for now I'm quite relieved to know that there really is a medical problem and that I'm not just over reacting to things.

Thank you Barbarian, Bananas and Ashley for your encouragement

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Well I have got another appointment too see a doctor about SA/depresion but I am seeing a different GP this time. Hopefully this one will be more sympathetic as last time it was a disaster.

I want to say thank you to everyone who helped and offered me advice after last time, I was very down about it afterwards and you helped me through it.

I am going to plan out what to say this time and try not to hold back. It's so hard for me to say these things out loud though but I know this is the only way I can start to make things better. 

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After years of worrying and apprehension I finally made it to the doctors today to discuss my anxiety. I was extremely nervous and I had written down my problems as some people who have been through the same thing advised me to do because I was worried about how to talk about it. When I got in there though, he refused to read what I'd written and made me say what was wrong. I froze up and didn't know how to say it, I feel embarrassed to say these things out loud and I don't think I managed to get it across to him what I've been through.

He gave me a questionnaire to fill in and wrote down the phone number and website of a social anxiety support group and told me to come back in a month. When I got back home I tried the website but it no longer exists, I even tried phoning the number which is a big thing for me because I hate using phones so much but the number was not working either :(

I feel pretty down about the whole thing, like I've spent many years to get to this stage and now I feel like I've blown it and the Dr didn't believe there was anything wrong because I couldn't say how I feel. I kept worrying that he thought I was making things up to try and get benefits or something and that my problems aren't important compared to people with physical illness.

I really don't know what to do now *sigh*

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I've known something is wrong with me for years but I have been avoiding facing up to my problems. I have been practically confined to my house for almost a year now, the only time I go out is to rush to the shops and back for food or to walk where there is no-one around. I have hardly spoke to anyone outside my family except for the rare job interviews I've had, all of which have gone badly because I get so incredibly anxious. 

I decided recently that I need to face up to this social anxiety and do something about it because my life is going nowhere. I've already missed out on so much in life and I don't want to miss any more. I never went to my school prom or any of the Christmas parties, I dropped out of university because of this, fallen out with the few friends I had and basically had no life for my teenage years and early 20's. 

I made a small step this week by telling my sister about my social anxiety and she was very supportive about it. I felt bad because she is 2 years younger than me and I didn't want her to worry about me and it was extremely hard for me to talk about it to someone in real life. I had to write it down because I couldn't bring myself to say it aloud, how pathetic is that? I couldn't even tell my own sister, my only friend :(

I want to go to the doctors about this but I had such a hard time talking about it and I don't think I can manage to tell a stranger about what I am going through. I keep thinking that he will say there's nothing wrong and I am just "shy" or something like that. I can't even bring myself to phone up and arrange an appointment, I hate using the phone so much and I have to psych myself up for a long time before I can even call for like a pizza or something inconsequential like that. I want to get help but I don't know if I can face my problems being brushed aside and being told to just get on with things. I'm so depressed just thinking about what a complete waste of a life I've been, so many missed opportunities... 

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I just feel like writing this down just to relieve some of the pressure. I never talk about this with anyone IRL.

 The earliest time I can remember being affected by what I now am pretty certain is SAD, was when I first started at school. Most kids hate it and some cry a lot but I really couldn't stand it. I didn't speak to anyone at all for a long time and some of the other kids used to pick on me a lot. At break times I would just stand around on my own and I remember some kids would think I was deaf because I wouldn't talk to them and used to shout in my ears.

Eventually I made a few friends, who I stayed friends with for a long time and looking back I was almost like a 'normal' kid for a while. When I was in the final year at primary school it was the best time I can remember, I had more friends then than I have had since and I used to enjoy going to school.

It all changed when I started secondary (high school) though. i was very intimidated by the older students, I have never been friends or hung around with anyone older than myself really. I started being very quiet and was picked on a lot by the other people in my class because I was good at lessons. They used to call me 'square' and would always be making fun of my name and the way I looked and was so shy. This pretty much destroyed any self confidence I had and the only people I ever talked to were those who went to the same primary school as me and I had known for years.

I didn't go to my prom or any of the Christmas parties because I knew that they would all be laughing at me because I'm so awkward in social situations. Eventually even my friends would get annoyed at me because I never wanted to go out places with them. Although I had known them for years I was still uncomfortable around them and I can only think of about 2 people who I could be alone with and not start geetting anxious because I didnt know what to talk about.

When everyone was getting ready to go to university they were all excited about it but I was petrified of going to another new place with thousands of people I don't know and all the social events that take place. I applied to a uni in the same city I live in so I could stay at home because I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with living in halls with other students. I dreaded starting for ages, I thought I would be on my own because my few remaining friends were going away to other cities but a couple of them changed their minds and decided to go to the same place as me. I was disappointed because I thought that it might be a chance to make a fresh start and not have people around that already had preconceptions about me but that didn't happen.

When I started there it was just as bad as school for me, my friends were increasingly annoyed at me for being so unsociable and I didn't want to be around them any more because it was causing me so much stress. This is when my phobia of phones started, I would go into a panic every time it rang in case it was them asking me to go somewhere. I ended up turning the ringer off because I couldn't take it any more.

At university I would just go in for lectures and hang around at the back of the hall, then go straight home afterwards avoiding people if I could. Then later on we had to make a presentation in front of everyone and that was the final thing that sent me over the edge. I was so depressed around that time and I couldn't bear to go back, I don't want to talk about what happened next but it was the lowest point in my life at the time. I decided I couldn't carry on going there and I knew my friends would try and talk me out of leaving and get mad at me so I sent them and email saying that I wasn't going back and that I had been going through anxiety problems and not to call me again. I haven't spoken to them since and that was 4 years ago now. 

Woah that was long, i'll type the rest later. Sorry for complaining, I know a lot of you have much more serious problems than me but i wanted to get the off my chest. 

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New Year is coming up soon and it looks like I'll be on my own again this year :( I was alone last new year's eve for the first time, I've always been with my family before but my mum was in France, my dad was with his girlfriend and my sister was out enjoying herself like most normal people. Times like these makes me so sad that life is passing me by and makes me feel like I've missed out on so much. 

Even if someone asked me to go to a party I would still be sad because I know that I wouldn't be able to stand going, I don't know what I want really. SA sucks.

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