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surviving a plague of consciousness. is it a different feeling?
to read the once written?
I have a suspicion
with your ever changing thoughts
never quite clear visions
I'm in fear over these interpretations
Surviving a plague of consciousness.. forever in mind
dreams
an unknown form
of self awareness
possibilities
hope that is too far enthusiastic
life still goes on...
whether the success
is only contained in our thoughts
dreams are not only caging hope
but are altering into a tormenting beast
the thought of our hope becoming lost
due to our weak human control
rehearse until our memory of it fades
how do our apathetic souls
remain contained in our frail bodies
constantly being controlled
to our flimsy emotions
why must life be made more
constantly our soul bounces within
taunting and questioning our every move
if memory was lost,
pages of history for our souls
would we comprehend differently?
for us…
would a realm create a new identity?
to what cause are we different?
strength is present among similarities?
why so distant?
why so difficult?
why so impressionable?
life....
the short trip
the memory of all
forever...
once written
always present
soon lost
forever forgotten
Was this the society we dreamed of in the past?
What will we dream for tomorrow?
I have a feeling
I have suspicions
I have theories
What will end it all?
Frustration and Procrastination I'm never on time, and I cannot stand waiting I scowl when I should struggle a smile, I'm far too compassionate so I get used now and again. I have a system for everything, I loathe when it becomes bungled. I'm neurotic and compulsive, Though still not as bad as some. On occasion I speak before I consider, So it comes out all wrong. My mind is a slave to the past, I so desperately seek the future. I yearn for the ability to move on, Why can't I just block things out like the rest of it? All things considered, These imperfections make me who I am.
I am finally beginning to grasp
the art of
SURRENDER.
Accepting the present moment
as it is,
because it already is
as it is;
and there's nothing I can really do about that.
It is having faith
in a Higher Power
and trusting the process--
even though it is uncertain
and unknown
(and sometimes scary).
It's about giving into the
mystery
of this unpredictable life--
and knowing that even if things
don't go according to plan
or expectations
(which I shouldn't have anyway),
that I will be given
stronger wings
and I will learn how to
fly higher...
SURRENDER
is the utmost trust
in the process of this
complex, yet
amazingly beautiful
Universe...
It's releasing the need
to control
and know...
and determine how things
"should be going."
It's about truly letting go...
In this moment,
I surrender,
and I release,
because when I breathe deeply
and gently
into what IS,
I begin to discover that
there really is
BEAUTY
in the
let go.
Hmmm... It wouldn't be my family or friends, even though I love them more than anything. It wouldn't be art, or poetry, or music. All of these things are fantastic, but they aren't part of who I am --so much as what I like or enjoy doing. I believe my passion is my never-ending path of self-discovery, of trying to figure out who I am in this random world. I don't know exactly how to describe what I mean by this. The search for who I am? What my beliefs or lack of beliefs are? Maybe an understanding of how I feel about certain issues that affect the world, politically, socially, or even philosophically. It is hard to put in the right words. My passion is a mystifying thing, especially to myself! The only way that it becomes less confusing is by learning as knowledge is key... getting to know people and their differences in everything, and reflecting. Taking it all in, absorbing the world and learning from other people are the best parts about trying to figure out my own individuality. As I have become older and have gained more life experiences my perspective on many things has changed. I believe this is something everyone goes through during their lifetime and that it something that no one ever can truly accomplish. When I am an old lady will I have learned all I could have and feel that I am done growing and evolving? I hope not. When I was younger, even just a few years ago, I thought I knew myself and understood the world. Of course, I was ignorant and wrong. Today, I sometimes think I know who I am and where I fit into my reality of the world around me; other times I have no clue. I am okay with this.... I have learned that I do not know everything and can accept this. There are many facets of myself that I have yet to discover. I am only twenty. Imagine when I am thirty or fifty? What in my life will have changed to make me think, act, or feel differently? This is what makes me think that my passion is something I will never be able to really satisfy. It is something that has no end, unless I choose to become stagnant or close-minded. There will always be something new to learn or discover about the world or myself in general. Just a few thoughts...
Cup overflowing
problems accumulate
time rolls on to my soul I no longer relate.
level reaches the lip ...then trembles
deep breaths bite my heart quakes, a fault line it resembles.
a life I missed a love lost
now just a cold fluid inside no tears left
bits and pieces of my soul float there
adrift and torn from entering life's lair.
sometimes it seems that there is no end
I try to never break...only bend.
making me sometimes out of round
I'll appear tightly wound.
years passed upward more
my hands reach for the saving door
and the cup overflowing spills not a drop
it has grown larger holding more than before helping me stop the spin I feel around now with eyes and mind no longer heart and hand
filled with a passion that most cannot understand
searching for a part of me always required
nevermind all of the warnings I have never heed
anticipations cultivate I am dragged as with a hook
what you seek the last place you look
just as in the parent's fable
I'll become unattached and leave my head on the table
I slay me! ;-) 
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