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Wow, I just realized how long I haven't been on here. Almost two months I think. So much has changed....I almost forgot I was socially anxious. I guess I just don't let it bother me nowadays. I'm graduating college with my associates on the 9th of May!!! YAY! Now I'm transferring to another school for a B.A. in Graphic Design. Other then that everything is great.

 

I hope everyone on here is doing great! 

I've had a long day today. At my school today I was a guest at another classes speech day. To make the whole story short, one of the speeches was about walmart and how we should boycott it because jobs are being outsourced. So I knew I would get upset from the beginning. I was born in Honduras a very very poor country, so I can relate to both sides of the issue. But what I find so ignorant is how people , Americans (not all just idiots I've dealt with) have hatred for the people in other countries that have these outsourced jobs and are getting paid like 10cents an hour and yet they don't hate the Americans who are sending the jobs overseas! After the speech this one idiot, in the class, of course had to voice that he was a veteran...which is great...why state that and then say, "my wife and I once went into a store and we saw that the socks were made by Pakistani people so we immediately threw the socks down and told the manager to take those socks and shove them....I was so proud of my wife, I hate Pakistanis" ...WHAT THE F?!!!! ignorant idiot!! I was so upset I started trembling. Then I couldn't resist but I said how disrespectful that comment was and how much hatred he has for people he hasn't even met. Afterwards I left shaking....and the idiot was still talking about how he needs to help his ids and how he doesn't care about other people. What is wrong with people nowadays! seriously..........then I approach my teacher and she tries to calm me down as I cry. I'm so tired of these people, and of course I always seem to find them. I wish I could debate with people without getting so emotional. I wish I could become a better public speaker and put the facts out there. How can I be a better speaker if I'm so anxious all the damn time? I'm tired.......of myself even.

Yesterday I learned that an ex of mine just got married. This is a man I think I could have married once we reunited again. I dreamt that he'd come back to me and we'd grow old together. (as cheesy as that sounds) I guess I have to let those thoughts go. It's so odd how life just....keeps on going. People change, things change. It makes me sad to think about it all. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I can't wait to have a relationship like the one I had with him though...just pure and true admiration. Ah well, one of these days...

Well, school starts today, I already have homework for my art history class. I hate how nervous I get the firstday of class. It's pointless to get so nervous, I already know my peers and professors....I have some friends there...so why do I panic?! My mom keeps talkiing about how nervous and anxious my grandmother is...I seriously think that whatever I have I got it from that side of the family. My brother has bipolar so there is definitely some genetics behind this. Either way, tomorrow is my first actual day of class... I have two four hour classes back to back...it's going to be a long day. And hopefully I'm not anxious all 8 hours. It give me huge headaches and I'm drained after dealing with everthing. Knowing that I'll go home after class makes me feel better...but it shouldn't be that way. I should feel good sitting in class, not sweating bullets. One of these days, I still have hope it'll go away. I just have to help it. ah well....one of these days...

My head hurts so much I think my head is going to fall off. Anyways, I was tempted to try some "stresstabs" I saw at walmart, I avoided it for a while and yesterday I broke down andbought them. I'm just so tired of being anxious. Anyways, I took two yesterday before meeting up with some people and driving home I started getting a headache...a day later I still have a big headache. Not sure if it's a symptom from this over the counter crap. I should have known better. I think I'm just going to start meditating and not be tempted by these "quick solutions" like over the counter anything. Ah well, I just wish my headache would go away. Now I'm anxious with a big migraine...great.