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I wish.... people would understand mental ilness, so many people just dont get it, Im sick of being told to "snap out of it" or "get over it" if it were so simple wed do it right!! Anxiety can be so dibilitating it effects every area of your life, and yet its something people cant really 'see' I wish sometimes people could see how much your hurting, Im sick of suffering in silence 
ahhhhhhhhhg! I wish people would understand anxiety, and the effect it has on your entire life, people are so ignorant and that dont think its a major thing but it is! as we all know! i feel like im crumbling away, the anxiety is like a cancer eating away at me, atm im not in a good place, I quit uni, my car died, one of my permanent teeth fell out, i owe lots of bills, lots and lots! I dont have a job, and i know getting a job would solve this, but I feel unable to do it, i dont know whats wrong with me, im just terryfyed to try getting a job and doing something, I feel like im incapable and disabled and no one understands why I cant 'snap' out of it I feel like people are losing faith in me, and just brand me as a failure and a loser, when I know what destroys me , its anxiety! it disables me from doing the most simple things, I feel like im drowning, I just need some compassion from those around me not ignorance and judgment!!!!!
oh god i agreed to go to a party thats happenin in like 20mins! and im freaking out, im so scared, im trying to think of ways to cope , like getting a taxi home if i cant stand it etc, im so f'en scared right now!
Went to the doctor today after 5 months on paxil, and hes decided to double my dose, which is nice cos even with all the side effects i love paxil its made a dramatic difference, he has set up for me to a see physc too which im actually looking forward too strangely minus the cost of course haha
Tags: Paxil Anxiety Doctor
My internet didnt work yesterday! sounds crazy but it was horror, i had no idea what else to do haha, made me realise how much time i spend on the net its back now , RELIEF! 
A Good Day :) haha how rare of late..... I had my first good night sleep in so so so so long, woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go, was such a nice feeling Today was my first day back at Uni for the Semester, it started 3 weeks ago but I only just turned up today (blame SA) So I was a lil nervous about attending my classes and having to be the 'new guy' and have to ask to join other people groups for projects. I had some Valium to calm me down and it worked really well, my first class, I did really well, was so talkative and joined a group! so I felt really good at this stage My next class was a lil diffrent tho, I got there and the class had lots of 'cool' type people if you get what i mean like the real imtimidating type, anyway i sat down and the whole time i thought these 3 guys behind me were talking about me, cos they kept whispering and talking throughout the whole class , I was prob just being paranoid, but i did get the feeling they thought I had intruded their territory cos I was new At the end of the class the tutor put me in a group with another new girl, and we had lunch together to sort out our project and we got on really really well, hehe i felt like id made a friend - yay :) - Thankyou Valium xx
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Limbo
Posted On 07/30/2008 01:48:22
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Ever since missing my dose of paxil last week, everythings just been wierd, you know when you dont even know what day it is? sorta thing? or you ask your self "what did i do on monday?" and you have no idea, i feel like im missing time, its all very strange, but i guess its my brain readjusting, I feel kinda like I did when I first started taking paxil like the first week or so Got major headache and slept soooo much last week or so, maybe thats why I feel like Im missing time haha cos i slept it away I still havent found a job tho to find a job you would have to actually look :P I know if i looked I could find one, but i have overwhelming sense of having no desire, its almost i want to be zapped with electricity or go on a rollercoaster or something blahhhhhhh
Im on 20mg of paxil a day, and missed 2 days worth and am paying for it now, had intense feelings of 'insanity' and 'doom' it wasnt very nice, Paxil for me has been good for the past 4 months and I had no idea how bad it could be if you missed a dose I feel like my brain went to hell and came back, I still dont feel 100% but I feel like im going to be okay now, scary stuff dont ever miss a dose!
I have 30 days left of my uni break and seen as im not working atm, youd think it be pretty good, but when you have no money and limited social prospects:P its kinda well boring, I feel like im in a bit of a funk, I guess I should just get a job, but then I think about writing a resume etc and i get the I cant be bothered feeling or the I'll do it next week thoughts Even though Im in a bit of a funk, still been making good progress anxiety and depression wise, I feel as though I have no depression anymore, its gone, I consider myself a positive person now, I realise everything I want in life I can get, and Im realise the power of taking risks. I no longer am scared of answering the phone or making phone calls, I actually enjoy it now, Im a less anxious driver too. I dont spend so much time in my room and interact with my family more and help out with cleaning etc, Im more organised and keep everything clean. Ive started dating again too, and realise its actually fun and not scary, I realise if I dont like someone I can say NO and its okay and if i like someone I can tell them and not be scared of possible rejection, i dont have to wait for the other person to make all the moves and organised all the dates, I can do it Life certainly more colourful and exciting, theres more 'dramas' when you take part in life but they can be kinda fun too hehe beats a bleak emotionless existince thats more sure power on
Tags: Holidays Boring Money
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