Heh...not really.

If you have the time and attention span to read this, i suggest it. The following was not written by me, but by a person responding to a relatively new book called, "Secret". In my search for new reading i came across this review and it utterly depressed me. After reading this and other reviews, i will never crack open this book. The sentiment that you should omit anyone unhealthy in your life, makes me want to omit myself from life. This further feeds the selfish reality of mankind. This book only disintegrates the positive outcome of changing ones thoughts for the better. There is a destinct difference between outcasting negativity and outcasting those with problems and it is not so black and white or easy to shun the "weaker" Ugh. Anyway, enjoy ... or not.

Review: A woman responding to another woman's (Ms.boyer) review on the book. The author of the book is Ms. Byrne.

"I also share Ms Boyer's dislike of Ms. Byrne's comments about turning your back on "fat" people (or anyone else). The book assumes that everyone who wants to can access good feelings at a moments notice and encourages you to shun people who don't fit your physical or emotional ideal. For many people, especially those from emotionally or financially impoverished backgrounds, feelings of abundance and self-worth can be impossible to access. A few years ago I encountered a book by the social psychologist William Swann. His studies on the affect that self-esteem has on what you attract into your life make very interesting reading that is closely related to the topics discussed here. While forgetting the past is not that hard, creating a feeling that you didn't have while growing up is nearly impossible for most people. Yes, we do hear of rags to riches stories, but they almost always involve a pivotal personal encounter.

Perhaps there is a reason that this information has been kept a secret for so long. Maybe that reason is that too many people would have used the knowledge to abandon the sick, dying, and less fortunate and spend their time generating new toys and bigger and bigger houses. Religion has often existed to remind people that they should be grateful for not having adversity. If you can wish it away, why bother with those who can't? This whole scenario reminds me of the creation story told by the psychic, Edgar Cayce, many decades ago. He said that man was an angel who created matter as a plaything and became encased in it because he forgot his divinity. I see no spiritual problem with having it all, but that can and should include kindness and compassion toward everyone."

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So, a friend of my brothers from his Annapolis Naval Academy days, decided to make another attempt at meeting me with his wife and newborn. Naturally, like a moron, i declined, but this time i really didn't want to go considering it was football and im hardly a sports buff. The thing is i barely picked up the phone before he finished leaving his message, that's how nervous i was. When i did i literally caught him on his last letter and i said "hey sorry, i'm here, just got out of the shower" He said he was just calling to see how everything is going. He sounds nervous himself like as if maybe his wife put him up to it and didn't want to do it. Bleh. Either way, i took that opportunity to say "I was actually going to call you guys, want to know if you ever wanted to hang out have some lunch or dinner, id be up for it" and the he said "Yeah, i don't know, b/c we're still trying to get our 4 month old used to that" I said "ohhh, shes really young, i didn't know that" He said, well if we are in the area we will call you. Ugh, i didnt know what to say. He asked me about how everything was going and i told him about the interview and i think that gave him the impression that i'm doing fine. Heh. i wanted to say "i don't know how i'm going to get there and i'm falling apart" Just tell him everything, but i didn't ,no one deserves that being plopped on them. I just said i had a big interview and was nervous. Even though he asks if they can help me out i cant bring myself to accept any, they are strangers, i've never met them, The guy was friends with my brother and that's my only tie. It would be nice if i was in a normal position, to just shoot the poo with them and get to know him and his wife while he tells me stories of the past, reminiscing about chris. It would probably feel really good, and asking them out to dinner or lunch was my failed attempt. They probably think i'm now doing fine and independent enough that i don't need them or i don't have an interest in meeting them at all. I've turned down at least 3 invitations, not including this one. :/ I miss learning, i miss doing, i miss being. I dream of bettering myself in every way possible through experience and i feel like it's never going to happen. I feel like i wasn't meant to ever end up this way. I was always an extremely extroverted kid as well as introverted. I had a healthy balance and that extrovert in me still has a desire to come out. How can someone be extroverted and outgoing when they aren't happy with themselves ? I can't, so i ball up and hope one day i will be before it's too late.

 When i met someone i really clicked with back in August of 07, the relationship eventually met its inevitable demise 2 months later. I kept turning down social interactions with other people. It was too overwhelming for me, he wanted to go to a lot of places and meet people. I forced myself to meet his sister and he was happy i did that but then more came , it wasnt enough. He said he didnt understand it but that he would be patient b/c he didnt want to force me to do anything yet he still did. eventually it became so overwhelming and i didnt feel good enough for him b/c of it. I tried to break up with him and he said that it would be a dumb reason to break off something so good..that i didnt give it a chance. Heh...I stayed with him and it only got worse. He broke up with me in the end. Irony, best served with regret. 

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