It doesn't take much for me to feel as though I'm inconveniencing people at times. It seems easier to just not talk to anyone. Then I don't have it on my conscience that I'm causing a problem. I wonder where that little voice is that says hey, what u think and feel matters to! Instead of that voice that says you're talking too much or you're not talking about the right stuff! If I let my guard down, it's like I'm open to more then I can handle

My mom sometimes says that me and her are too sensitive. I don't see it as that. To me, it's more like an obsession....playing the same situations over and over again in my mind. And being self-conscious to me isn't being sensitive. I could be wrong about that. Maybe there are different levels of sensitivity.

My mother-in-law is a very sensitive person. She takes things the wrong way and everyone has to be very careful with what they say to her. Yet, she's insensitive in the things she says! Last summer I put on weight because I quit smoking (6 mos earlier) and got depressed. She went on and on about how pretty "I used to be". She said I had high cheek bones but they weren't as noticeable because my face had gotten fatter. She didn't think anything of what she had just said but internally, I was so pissed! I thought oh yeah, u have room to judge one's looks! I don't think that means I'm sensitive for getting upset about what she said. If I had no feelings at all like a robot, that's the only way it wouldn't bother me.

Last summer, my daughter was getting ready to go visit my in-laws for the week. I told my MIL, please don't let her watch any movies that are PG-13 or rated R. She looked at me like I just called her a shithead or something. She says (defensively) I won't, I don't hardly rent movies anymore. Well, that very next day, she rented one that was PG-13. My daughter (of course) remembered every nasty thing they said and did in that movie. She told me about the movie and I said that's just great....after I told her no movies like that and she agreed. My daughter told my MIL "Mommy got mad at u for letting me watch a bad movie cause you weren't supposed to let me watch it." Well, the MIL was mad at me the rest of the afternoon. She was pouting and she made sure we all knew she was mad. She laid on my daughters bedroom floor reading a book. She wanted to make sure we all saw her laying on the floor and she gave me the silent treatment all afternoon (as if that could possibly bother me). First she told me she didn't know that I said no bad movies cause she'd forgotten. Then she told me she rented the movie and she didn't care that it was PG-13 cause she thought it'd be okay.

I'm not anal when it comes to my kids but my daughter is a bit obsessive. She remembers particular scenes from movies for years and years! I learned that and I thought that since she was MY kid, that I could make some rules. But it's hard dealing with overbearing people who throw tantrums when they don't get their way. It's exhausting the way I think way too much.......about things that don't even matter. Realistically, I care about everyone's feelings but I do know there's no pleasing some people. It's a no win.

It's crazy that I can't kick things out of my mind.....things that bother me enough that it's been a year and some things that happened 3 years ago, and I think about it like it were yesterday!!

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