I think that I have figured out of my biggest problems, but I don't know how to begin fixing it though. For whatever reasons, I did not grow up with a healthy sense of self worth. As I get older, it seems to get worse & worse too.
I try to be a good person to everyone, but I don't feel that I am worthy enough for good things. Since I don't feel worthy, I avoid even trying for most things now. I feel that I don't deserve my good job, a new car, celebration of my birthday ever, anyone to be extra nice to me, a pretty woman, a going away lunch when leaving a work group, eating out at a nice restaurant, going out to lunch with coworkers, having my own children, good loyal friends, people to make any extra effort to ever help me, or even having my own dog. I am completely mystified how other people can justify their actions to themselves. I know people that are not very responsible, but keep having kids after kids. They have 4-5 animals at a time too. I can't even justify one dog to myself. How does the lazy & scummy guy down the road justify to himself that he really deserves that pretty girl at the bar, when most people clearly think that he is outclassed?
Until I feel more worthy of good things happening to me, I won't be able to make constructive plans towards any goals. I have always turned down compliments or any praise too. Once I received a monthly award at work. You get a gift certificate and your picture up on a wall. I couldn't avoid getting my picture taken with management and then posted on the award wall. Right after it was posted, I stealthly took down my award picture down and hid it in my desk. No one caught that a month was missing either or ever asked what happened to it.
Take Care,
John 
