...that it's OK to be be an introvert with social anxiety and depression, who processes things internally, who doesn't like to talk about themselves with others, whose main loves and interests are all solitary activities i.e. doing artwork, watching movies from Netflix, listening to my own music, reading, writing, enjoying my 4 cats, being on the computer, putzin' around my apartment/immediate neighborhood, and who realizes that they don't need 101 friends to be a worthwhile human being. That the few she has are MORE THAN ENOUGH and that the 10 to 15 minutes of lighthearted and jovial banter that she's so good at with "outsiders", which gives them a grin and makes them feel good about themselves, IS enough verbal interaction for a content existence? Maybe even a happy life? Well why didn't you tell me? I seem to have started "seeing THE (or at least "A") light", stopped fighting who I am and have begun to accept, embrace and see the worth in these qualities. It was something my therapist said last week that triggered it all. We were discussing how I verbally seem to only enjoy the aforementioned quick little banter (people are actually shocked when I tell them that I have severe social anxiety). She asked if that was maybe enough for me. I hadn't really thought about it "being enough". I've always (with society's help) put so much pressure on myself with the "need" to be "social". To have more people in my life with which I carry on in depth conversations about who I am, my opinions on various issues, what I did yesterday, what I do for a living, childhood antidotes etc. etc. etc. After some contemplation it hit me...who I am and how much interaction I have with the outside world today IS enough. And, yes, it's OK! I've tried so hard, all of my life to "fit in". To SPEAK more. To be more "social". My ex partner of 18 years is incredibly extroverted so I've had quite a taste of what that world is like. Trying to talk myself into believing that's what I wanted, that's who I needed to be and there's something horribly wrong with me if I don't, was literally killing me. I've surrendered, at least for the past week, and a huge weight has been lifted from me. The last several days has internally been the most peaceful week of my 50 years. The demons are still there, waiting for an opportunity to pounce on me, take me back down the rabbit hole, but the contentment I've experienced by just being/accepting myself, allowing myself to do the things that I enjoy that don't include other human beings, without guilt, without feeling like a "FREAK", has begun to slay them one by one. People DO like me just the way I am. I think I may finally be able to start doing the same.
Brilliantly spoken. Acceptance is the key to success.
you always share thought provolking things.
