I have been well for a couple of weeks but my paranoia is acting up again. Its so freakin bad that I don't know myself anymore.
I went to a garden yesterday with my friend and we smoked weed before we went in. I was so freaking caught up in worries and in my own head that I spent the whole time in there just thinking not looking at the world around me. I told myself that, the WHOLE time but I couldn't get myself to look, just getting paranoid about this and that and well it was hell.
Maybe my paranoia was acting up because I went to a place that I used to goto school at. I guess I didn't want people knowing that I had become "Weird".
I lost all my optimisticness and it sucksssss, didn't know it was this hard to be optimistic.
Confused and paranoid the two feelings, that are to me the most ####### up feeling that I can have.
I don't know nowadays I am getting better then worse and it just repeats itself. Do I have to write a freaking blood pledge if I want myself to not worry????
hmmm before that Ill just write a pledge on here.
As of this day I promise with everything I love that I won't worry and I'll not believe the lies that satan and the world tells me. I'll break free of this chokehold and I'll promise to always smile. I'll keep trying to make myself better and always be "good".
Wow I immediately feel kinda better, anyways Ill promise that I won't listen to the lies/paranoid thoughts, you guys should try this out too if it you have a problem with it :D
