I can't stand the fighting. How did I never realize my stepfather was such a douchebag? He comes home drunk, satisfied that he has his dinner in his hand (and cares less about anyone else), yelling at my mom about money (he doesn't have a steady job and he thinks he can live here for freee), the state of the house (does he help?), and where's the ######## remote (under his ######## pillow). Because god forbid he had to go all week without, he had to get off his fat @$$ to press the channel button. Such a jackass. Are all men jackasses? Maybe I'm a jackass. I feel like a jackass.
Idk. I've been sleeping nights because of the medication. I tend to sleep between 9-12 hours a night. It makes me feel a little better, in the way that I feel slightly more energetic. Not that I've actually done any writing or anything. I'm dead. I still feel like crap. Though Effexor looks like horse pills.
Thing is it doesn't matter where I go, because things are equally as crappy at school. Didn't help that I already felt like crap today. All I can do is eat little chocolate squares and wait for my mom to force me to take seroquel. And sometimes play Metroid Prime 3.
Sick of America. If you read Mother Jones you can catch a quick glimpse of how corrupt this place is. Even if you try to defend the administration like I did you've got to wake up to the truth. I mean, we still have idiots who think global warming is a yeti. Did you know there is a drug that can help prevent you from catching HIV granted it is taken within a short time of exposure? I didn't. Even most professionals don't know it can be distributed to the public. Because certain people think saving lives will promote promiscuity. The same argument against birth control, abortion, yada yada. Thseley're worried about corrupted morals? The same morals they themselves corrupt? We are so closed-minded and we are worse for it. I'll tell you the truth - you can't stop it. No matter what rediculous "morals" you try to cling to. Stupid conservative asses. Contractors can send civilians into warzones closed off by the military, and they can get away with it because they're above the law. Halliburton, of course. The administration is secretly carving out a spot for a permanent American force in Iraq, contrary to promises. I don't care what people say, Bush is not dumb. He may be a horrible, horrible monster, but he isn't stupid. He knows what he's doing. This isn't democracy. We're just fooling ourselves thinking it is. And it's pathetic. I hate what this country has become. It's hard to believe that I ever thought I'd give my life for it, because now I sure as hell wouldn't. I can understand the points of other nations and why they hate us so much, even Islamic extremists, as backwards as they are. I've seen it all here. I will not defend. Never again.
Tomorrow (or today rather) I have an appointment with the artistic therapist. We'll see.
