I'm lonely tonight. Why? Because I turned down a wonderful invite to a party.
I just can't go to parties, especially when there are so many people I am not familiar with and .... boys.
It's like going to your first boy/girl party and you are nervous as hell. Well, that's sort of how I felt. I've really never been to a party, well, once I went to a little get-together with a 'friend'. We just ate and drank soda, watched her open presents, got a prize bag and went home. Not really a party, plus no boys as her mother did not allow them around her two daughters.
Kelli, who is probably my only friend in the world was invited to a party and the person who invited her said to bring friends. Kelli made a huge mistake by telling me thirty people were already supposed to be going to the party. I can't even function right around 2 people, let alone 30. Kelli got sort of angry because she says I NEVER go anywhere with her. Not true, as we've been places. Just this Saturday I went out to eat with her, something I DO NOT do. She can never be happy, but I guess she just wants me to be social.
Plus, this guy I like was going to be there and I would have just melted into the floor and not said a word. He's talked to me before and I always clam up. Saturday he got a haircut and asked me what I thought. I thought it was nice, but all I said was, "Uh, it's nice," in the smallest voice I could, even though it sounded like I was screaming it at him. I think he thinks I'm ultimately strange because I don't like to be around people and I'm always nervous around him. Well, it probably will never change, so tough. It'll just be another missed love opportunity....
It's just before 12:30 midnight and the party is most likely still going on at it didn't start until nine. I'm angry at myself for not going, but I don't think I would have been able to do it. I would have probably had a panic attack or something.
Maybe next time 
