My dad sent me a letter last week telling me that he realizes what a shithead he was to me when I was a kid. He has since called a couple of times and said he really meant what he said in the letter. He wishes he'd been more positive and appreciated me for what I was...a little girl. He said he treated me as if I was inconveniencing him all the time and now he's sorry.
I felt relieved more then I ever have in the last 31 yrs. But then he called last night and started running my mom down again. They've been divorced 8 yrs and he still brings up poo from 20 yrs ago. Plus, half of what he says isn't true. He takes bits and pieces of info and puts it together since he can't remember things that were said. He treated her far worse then he did my brother and I.
His mother was a mean-spirited, vindictive, nosey, gossipy woman and she was extremely jealous of my mom. His sister did everything his mom wanted to. They used to accuse my mom of cheating on my dad even though she didn't. It was him who ended up cheating. Either way though, my dad told me about a self-help book he's been reading and I said I've been helping myself with Paxil. He says, "I wish your mom would've started taking that years earlier so maybe she wouldn't of been complaining about how my mom and sister treated her". I said well maybe they should've been the ones taking the meds since they always started the trouble! Then he told me she could've just ignored them and I said grandma called our house every day. I don't think he liked that too much. Then he complained about how 20 yrs ago he wanted to move to the area (where he lives now) and my mom didn't want to. She told him in the winter, they may not be able to get out because of the hills and he said he doesn't have that problem. He thought my mom had to do every little thing he wanted and he still 817c#3$ about it.
I had good thoughts about him (when I got the letter) until he started complaining about her again. I don't think any self-help book could help him enough. He doesn't seem to realize that the way he treated my mom affected me more then anything and it still does. He's the one who cheated and married the woman he cheated with. He still has his job, nice home and cars. My mom lives on a small disability check in a small town with her dogs. She's very much alone and she never mentions him. I've told him that I don't want him talking about her and he may quit for a little while. But it doesn't take long and he's back to doing it.
Sometimes I think he lies to himself (and me) about her to justify his leaving. I'm not a good liar so I don't do it often. It's hard to understand some people.
