I ask myself this too many times. What is wrong with me? I wish someone could answer that, and even more than that I wish it were a simple fix. You crave sugar, you eat a damn cookie. Problem solved... why can't it be that simple???
I'm approaching my 23rd birthday, and all I can think is how I am relationshipless still. It's not that I even want to be in a relationship (I DONT actually) so much as I wish I had the option. I don't so much long to be out with friends so much as I wish I could make them if I DID want them. And then part of me wonders a little bit if the reasons I don't want them are because I can already feel how uncomfortable I would be around them. I crave people's company, and yet depise it when I have it. All I can think about is a way out, and when I'm out all I can think about is how I can't get in.
*le sigheth*
I wish I could figure out if I simply DON'T fit in, if I really CAN'T connect, or if it is really all just SA. Another part of me wonders if I have a lack of confidence because of the SA or if I have SA because I lack confidence. It's so the chicken and the friggen egg. Which comes first? Which is a reaction of the other and does anyone have a simple answer?
I noticed most of my anxiety stems from not wanting people to look at me-- from feeling too fat and too ugly. I feel like if I could hide in a turtle shell I'd be just fine. I had feeling fricken JUDGED all the time, and come on... at this age you KNOW your peers are still judging you. I guess I wish I could like myself more, but I have no idea where to begin. I wish I could find people that have all my interests, but I don't even know where to look. I'm a writer... writers don't LEAVE THE HOUSE. How will I ever FIND them?
I need a nice coffee drinking, poetry writing, anti-social emo boy, I think. 
