I just realized a few weeks ago that I have SA... since then I've been finding out more and more about it, and all of these things that I thought were just "how I am" are now symptoms of SA. I have never been able to have friends. I am sooo envious of those people that can just walk into a room and make friends. Now that I know what it is... I realize all these things. Like, how in grade school I would always be standing outside at recess by myself, and I was completely fine with it, I preferred it to be that way. Or how in high school, I would rather just go home and sit in my bedroom by myself then go out with friends on the weekend. Or how in college I met so many people, and it seemed like they liked me... but I couldn't ever get any "real" friends. And, I've always felt like if someone gives me a compliment... its because they want something from me or they feel bad for me. Today, I am living on my own in a small apartment. I sit at home by myself every night. I have nobody to talk to, except if I am at work. Otherwise, I am by myself. I want to get out and meet people. But, how? And meeting guys... that will never happen. I wish it would though... :-( I just feel all alone in the world, like no one is there. I have no one. I have a lot to offer and I am a good person... but no one knows that. I haven't told my family yet. The worst thing for me is talking to strangers... when a complete stranger says "Hi", it freaks me out soooo much. I don't know what to say, I have to think of something or else I will seem rude. And if I am somewhere out in public... I act like I am not really there, and just going through the motions.... AHHH I hate having SA. Help!
