I'm not returnng to fanfare and exaltation, I realize that. I am returning, however; better than I was the last time, but still in need of the support that I feel I can get most readily here, because I feel that people here better understand the nature of the problems I have.
Recapping the last -- whoa, six months? -- I am occasionally able to carry on brief conversations at work with my coworkers, I am more than able to work effectively with my students, and I have met a new friend online who I have been hanging out with regularly since November. I feel more confident in meeting new people now that I know I can do it successfully. I've even forced myself to call him several times despite hating it to my very core and inviting him out.
Two nights ago, I called FOUR people spur of the moment to invite them to hang out on Saturday night. That is uttely huge for me. I've also invited ten people over this coming Saturday for a "party" (which will basically be a geekfest with alcohol, lol). I'm never going to be completely at ease with myself around oher people, but I am capable of stepping back and appreciating the progress I've made.
My main need for support at the moment is that I am feel more and more the desire to be in a relationship -- or rather, the desire to explore the possibility of relationships (I don't want to force a relationship just for the sake of having one, but I finally feel like I may be approaching a point where I am capable of and ready for some level of deeper intimacy -- wih th right person). The guy I met online in November is someone I am very, very interested in, but I have no idea what his level of interest is -- and this is a situation I've never been in before. Previously, all me interest has always be of the "admire from afar" sort, and all interest dierected towards me was unwanted an/or coming from inappropriate places. This is the first time I have had a serious interest that I wish to pursue, and no clear indicator of where the other person stands.
Anyway, I just wanted to say "hello, I will be here more often again" and wish everyone well -- I'm not okay, but I'm getting better, and I hope you all can say as good or better :)
Cheers.
