Another one of my writings... 

It was shiny, and glistened in the light like a million diamonds. It was the same blue as the sky and was calling me like the Sirens had called Odysseus. Only it wasn’t its song that was drawing me, it was the mocking beauty of it. I hated it, for it showed me a life I wanted. A life of beauty, and calm that my body was not built for, and my mind could not combat.

It was a clear day, only my mind was anything but. What was it like to touch? Was it cold like ice, or warm like bath water? Would it hurt me if I just touched it for a moment, or would it grab my hand and drag me down into its depths? Was there such place as Atlantica, or was that just a fable to draw in its victims? I wanted to believe there were such things as Mermaids, but I was too afraid I would drown before I got the chance to find out? Is the a Cantre at the Gwaelod?

It was staring at me with its diamond eyes. They all bore into my two making them hurt. It hurt to look at the worlds biggest swimming pool wandering what was beneath the surface, and knowing that finding out could bring upon my doom.

Would it be worth it? Is there any point finding something, but never living to tell the tale? Maybe it would just be enough to experience it for a few moments… Would those moments be my last, or would a Mermaid save me?

I wish God hadn’t made me this way. Why did He want to punish me so? I wander what I did in my past life that made Him give me a body that automatically cut me off from a world I longed to be a part of. Worse still, why did He distil such a fear in my mind? Perhaps to test me? Is it a test to see if I can overcome my fear, venture into the water, and conquer the little voice inside my head telling me that the only thing I will find in the water is death? Maybe it’s a test to see if I would give into temptation, and if I do so death will be my punishment.

Does the dolphin look at me and wander the same thing? Does it wish it could be on land instead of swimming? The millions of eyes watching me, do they think the same thing? Are they looking at me with envy, because I can just sit on the sand all day? Do theym think I am mocking them by showing them a life that their bodies were no built for? Are they waiting for me to venture into the water so they can kill me? Or do they feel my pain? Do they understand my fear, or laugh at it?

I would like to think they are silently telling me that there’s nothing to be afraid of, and to give them my hand so they can prove it. But I am too afraid to, in case it is a trick and they want to drown me.

How can something so beautiful be so cruel? How can something that gives life to so many things take so many away? And how can something so big make the world feel so small?

I wander how deep it is, and what the sky looks like from underneath the surface… I wander if it is the same world but different. Would drowning hurt? One tiny molecule is harmless, but millions of them together could wipe out the whole world.

I wander if my bones would break one by one, hurting me until I couldn’t hurt anymore. Or would it just carry me gently until the next life.

What would I lose if I tried it out? Is my life so invaluable to me that I would gamble ie to satisfy my curiosity?

Maybe I’ll just sit here for a little while longer, and come back
tomorrow to contemplate it all over again…