i feel anxious and somewhat depressed. i want to quit my job and go back to school full time. i have only a few days left to apply for financial aid. everything's pretty much done, but i have to go and find the IRS office to get a copy of my tax statement. I tried finding it today with no avail. I really really need to go back to school because I am getting nowhere in life with this job. I want to go back to learn to be a computer programmer. It would be a good combination with my math degree that I already have (but unfortunately am not using). I definitely couldn't be a teacher, programming would be nice though as by what I can tell there is limited interaction with others, and hopefully they are as disfunctional as me.!!!haha!!
I've had a girlfriend now for about 4 months. Her name is Lois and she is great. Going out and doing things with her has given me some free exposure therapy and I feel a little more at ease in social situations though. sometimes quick stabs of panic arise though from time to time, especially with strangers, elevators, or anytime I have to walk towards or by someone.
Right now I'm only taking a weekend class and it's not so bad, as most people are still asleep and definitely wouldn't be in school. next semester though I have to go during the weekdays. why is it i feel paranoid around people my age or younger? the vastness of the campus bothers me too. still haven't gotten to try EMDR and i've been seeing the same therapist for 2 years.
i hold myself back so much and it can be depressing. i often see myself as totally worthless. for the longest time I felt my degree was more of a trashy decoration than anything of significance. everyone also says I draw well but I tend to dislike my own work. people say I'm very nice and polite but I feel like I'm a bad person.
Oh well, at least I'm trying to improve my life.
