I went to my therapy appointment monday and insisted on a diagnoses, Doc Hunter had to think on it a little and discuss some things with me. I come with so many issues that its hard to seperate them out sometimes, he finally decided that SA doesn't really fit, but neither does avoident personality, and decided to go with agoraphobia. I don't really know how I feel about that. I did do some reading on it and it seams mostly like sa and avoident personality to the extreme.
I seem to be headed down the rabbit hole again, not wanting to eat, crying, panic attacks are up a little. The steroids could have something to do with it. Between the doc me and my husband we figured out that the last three major crashes I've had have been after high doses of steroids, the poo just makes ya nuttier then squirril shit.
I though having a diagnoses would make me feel better,,,,,I'm one of those people who have to learn about everything, its just how I do things, but it doesn't seem to be helping this time. I'm not cutting though and I'm not suicidal, so all is relativitly good at the moment.
My anger is up though, just wan't to flogg the holy crap out of those who annoy me right now.
Still tryng to hold on to a high power, but its getting a little tough at the moment. Getting mad again. I tend to do that a lot though. I figure he made me who I am so he will understand when I give him a good kick in the shins for not using his almighty power to strike down tose people who hurt me and others.
Tax time is comming up and everyone including the doc wants me to get my licsense back and get a car with my income tax. I don't want too. Then the pressure will be on to do things by myself and I can't it scares me to much, the thought of just picking up the kids from school is enough to make me sick, to many people, to croweded, what if someone wants to talk to me ect ect.
Then we have the holidays comming up and thats going to be hell. My aunt moved to the same town as my mother in law, so mom in law wants to have thanksgiving the same day we do my side of the family. So several hours with about forty people I'm related to and have nothing in common with, the severl hours with a women who I swear to god was spawned by the devi himself. Its amazing she doesnt have horns and a tail and I not entiryly sure she doesn't. The women is pure evil. (I can actually back that up with horid stories but I won't subject anyone to that, you will just have to trust me)
Guess this turned into more of a rambling scattered mess. Just been holding a lot in trying to process it, and fix my problems and I can't seem to come to any conclusions.
I've got the lemon and limes, anybody out there got the tequila,,,,I'll share, I promis.
