Will it ever end? I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. My youth is being squandered because of these stupid mental illnesses. I kept things to myself for such a long time and now it has stopped me completely from living my life. I was always afraid of burdening other people with my crap and I never thought anyone really cared anyway. But I can't do that anymore, it has all caught up with me. I've always been a very emotional person, but I never really learned how to talk about what bothers me. I often would express myself by lashing out at other people or crying. Family just assumed that's how I was and didn't really stop to think that I might need help but didn't know how to ask for it. I drove a lot of people away. At 23, I'm just learning how to be honest with myself and other people and how to identify and verbalize my feelings and thoughts. I struggle with just reaching out to other people because I always assume that no one wants to hear what I have to say, that no one will understand, and because I get so frustrated just finding the right words to describe what I'm going through. Just writing this blog entry takes a lot of thought. I want to have a life. I feel like all I've known is unhappiness so it is difficult to imagine that things could be different. Friends? What's that? A social life? Can you define that? These things are so foreign to me.
