As most of you know by now Aprillea is my wife. We just started talking again recently and she was kind enough to share SAF with me and invite me to join. I came here to support her in her fight with social anxiety. I am very proud of her and want her to know that. She is a great person and only deserves the best.
When i think back about things and where we went wrong i stronly feel it was my fault. I didn't want to come to reality with something. It was something my doctor made me come to reality with after she left me. I suffer from depression. I let depression get the best of me for a long time. It may have ruined my marriage among other relationships in my life. I guess i always knew it but didn't want to come to terms wtih it. My mom and dad both suffer from it as well as my brother. I always been a happy outgoing person and the life of the party type but nobody ever knew how i felt on the inside. To this day almost nobody knows how i feel on the inside and what thoughts run through my mind. I have now sought help for it and doing much better. I wish i would have done it a long time ago. I do thank the Lord for my wife because she led by example what a strong person can be and what they are capable of.
I have done some bad things in my past to her and not only did she put up with it she forgave me. I don't know what i would do without her. It is great being in cotact with her again. We have something now that we lost. Friendship. I can say since reconnecting with her she is my bestfriend. As our future who knows what our paths have in store for us. It is my hope that one day God sees fit to have our paths cross again. I do take comfort in the fact now knowing that no matter what happens we will have this wonderful friendship and will be a part of eachothers lives for the rest of our lives.
Tomorrow is a rough day for me for a few reasons. First off i am moving out of our first real place together. Leaving there is difficult for me. Packing hers and the kids things is not easy. Also, tomorrow is my sons kindergarten breakfast and i can't be there to share that experience with him and also knowing that i will not be able to see him off on his first day of school. However, with that being said i am excited for him and look forward to talking to him on the phone about his days at school. That little boy is so full of life and happiness. If people had the same mindset as him the world would be a much happier place. Tomorrow is also the anniversary of my grandmothers death. My parents own a 2 family home and she always lived upstairs for the first 20 years of my life. She was like another mother to me. She was just as much a mother to me as my real mother is to me. I love you Gram.
Just want to end this with saying i love you Aprillea, Mathieu, and Cambree. You 3 are my heart and soul and i miss you very much. I keep you 3 in my prayers at all times and are the first thing on my mind when i wake up and the last thing on my mind when i lay my head down at night and go to sleep. Thank you 3 for everything.
