So I think I could get really in to these blogs. I mean, I just like the idea of somehing short and sweet. Something personal. But what to talk about? In my SA workbool, I'm kind of at this stand still, because I have to list all these experiences from my journal where I've had negative expectations. But I just started writing out my maladaptive thoughts, so I don't have enuff info to make a good list. So that means I got to start writing everyday, and well, I'm always trying to hit up the SA website so I might as well try.
Sometimes I think my progress is based off of how much interaction I have with other people. Because it's true, interacton makes me anxious, and creates maladaptive thoughts, but I haven't had alot of human interaction the last couple of days. I haven't really hung out with anyone since monday, which was yesterday, but, I want to always have people around me. Even if that mean I'm filled with anxiety all the time. I want to have friends who come over and spend the night because we stay up late talking. I want to forget myself, lose the anxiety, and be so conscious of myself. I want to be okay with myself. I want to stop replaying old events in my head over and over again, until something that I was rally proud of I've picked apart so much that I think "what if I made a fool of myself?" And you watch other SAers talk, and they speak so lowly of their social skills, and you think to yourself "this person has no clue how cool they are." But then you find yourself doing the same thing. In little ways. But if the books I got are correct, than there is hope for "Dying of Embarassment "or being "Hopelessly Shy". I think the truth might be hard to admit, although. The truth is I will always lie somewhere in between being socially confident and being socially afraid. That's really hard to accept, because you have to learn to appreciate the other sides of yourself, your artistic side, your caring side, your curious side, and not put your worth on how social you are. It's a process. I'm more and more content, and I'm getting more and more acceptive of the life I'm going to have to lead-keeping my anxiety and stress down, taking care of my body, simplifying things, making attempts to be social. It's fun, sometimes, balancing your life. It's makes you feel calm. I just can't wait to go back to school so I can be around people again. And until then, going out there and putting myself out there with friends I haven't spoken to in a while, and new people I meet, is going to be hard, so be their with my, fellow SAers.
