I have a story that just came to my mind as I was thinking about my deep desire to help people. In a response to Hera's blog about shame I mentioned that my desire can kind of get off in bad ways when I get into rescue mode instead of selflessly laying down my hidden motives to be useful or worthy to others.
About a year ago my parents had an unwelcome guest in their yard. They live on an acre of land out in the country. They have a cat named Sophie. She's the cutest thing and we all love her, but she's kind of unassertive with other cats. So one day this little grey cat decided it wanted in on the action and started eating her food that my parents left for Sophie. She would get really scared and intimidated by this little grey tom cat. We all started hating that cat...that is except my dad.
My dad loved Sophie more than any of us and she knew it. She'd go by his workbench when he was doing his woodworking or just follow him around if he was walking in the yard. Anyway, we had a family picnic one Sunday and this little gray cat was seemingly always underfoot and causing trouble. Everyone was shooing him and spraying him with the water bottle my mom provided.
I know some of you will think less of me for this, but it's part of the story and important. I was getting really frusterated at the little grey cat and so I threw this chunk of icecubes from the cooler at him. It was a big chunk and I narrowly missed his head with it. As soon as I saw the little ice cubes flying all over the place after hitting the ground and the cat running for it's life, I was conscience stricken. Some of my younger cousins were shocked. Even though they were teasing him too, they were like, how could you do that?
I kind of laughed nervously and said, "no harm done." He's ok. But later on I was watching as everyone continued to shoo the cat and spray him. Then I saw my dad sit down on one of the lawn chairs and watched as the little grey cat jumped clumsily into his lap. What did my dad do but start to pet that filthy, sawdust covered runt. As I watched, I started to consider some things. I knew that they were planning on taking the little gray cat to the animal shelter in a few days. I knew that in an area like theirs that this little cat would most likely never be rescued. He was ugly, dirty, and feisty. No one would take that poor cat. I knew that most likely he would not last a month. I watched as my dad kept petting that dirty thing and I almost started tearing up. This could be the last time this poor cat would ever receive any kind of affection in his life.
I thought about all the people in this life who are just like that poor cat. Some are cantankerous and annoying to people. Some just don't fit in. Some want desperately to be loved, but no matter how hard they try, they end up on the outside. Unwanted. At that moment I realized that my life call would be to help people, even the ones who don't want help. I wouldn't force advice or try to rescue them out of their problems. I just wanted to be like my dad and give them all the love I can give while they can still receive it. Our time on this earth really is short, yet most of us find nothing but pain and rejection. Everyone deserves to be loved. Well, unless you're evil and are hurting others.
I guess I was just reminded about this. Whenever I've got hidden motives in helping people, it always ends up biting me in the butt. Whenever I somehow get past my selfish motives and truly love people unconditionally, it just feels so pure and so sweet. I'm created in God's image and I believe that deep down, a part of him is alive and working his love in and through me. Unfortunately it's not something that comes out very often. I'm still growing and maturing, but hopefully it will flow more naturally as I get older. Like it did in my dad. He didn't even know what he was doing. He just was.
